


Harry Potter Hogwarts Caretaker

by Silverfox



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-27 18:50:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 30,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15691296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silverfox/pseuds/Silverfox
Summary: Ten years after his class graduated 27 year old Harry Potter returns to Hogwarts as the new caretaker. But why is he so depressed? Find out what happened and who the new and old teachers at Hogwarts are.





	1. Neville

**Author's Note:**

> Summary: Ten years after his class graduated 27 year old Harry Potter returns to Hogwarts as the new caretaker. But why is he so depressed? Find out what happened and who the new and old teachers at Hogwarts are.
> 
> Disclaimer 1: This is fanfic. That means I do not own any of it. I just borrow it to play with for a little while and let people see the pathetic results if they really want to.
> 
> Disclaimer 2: I'm not making any money from it. It's just for fun.
> 
> Disclaimer 3: What isn't borrowed is all made up. None of this is real or most likely at all realistic. Please don't trust any of the information in here. Most likely you know more about whatever I'm writing about than I do.
> 
> Disclaimer 4: Attitudes, views and opinions expressed by the characters or in the story are not necessarily those of the author. Even when writing Science Fiction or Fantasy I do not tend to attempt to create perfect/better worlds in which everybody gets a happy end ... or whatever is best for them. Please accept that some characters will have a bad ending or be unhappy.
> 
> Disclaimer 5: I intend no insult to anyone. If I offend anyone I'm very sorry. Please understand that it was an accident as I tend to be very clumsy in these things.
> 
> A/N - So here it is: The first chapter of my new series. It isn't funny! You've been warned. The chapters will be a lot shorter than they were in my other fic, because each of them is dedicated to Harry's meeting with one person from his past. The whole thing is set ten years after Hogwarts. Voldemort has been defeated. But by whom? It wasn't Harry.

Chapter 1: Neville

 

27 year old Harry Potter got out of a muggle taxi at Kings Cross station and paid the driver. He frowned slightly when he realised that he had only about three pounds left after that, but muggle money wouldn't get him far anyway once he was back in the wizarding world.

He wouldn't need any money at Hogwarts, he reminded himself as he quickly crossed the station and slipped secretly onto platform 93/4. He knew that he was very early, but he hadn't had enough money to spare to eat at a restaurant while waiting and he wasn't feeling like waiting around all the people in the muggle part of the station. With any luck there wouldn't be anybody at the hidden platform yet.

Indeed the platform turned out to be empty and to Harry's surprise the train was already there puffing steam happily as ever and seeming to be just waiting for him to climb aboard. Harry decided to follow this invitation. He pushed his small trunk inside and walked through the empty train remembering having to push past hordes of laughing children on his last journey over ten years ago.

How many times had he ridden this train chatting happily with Ron and Hermione? Six ... No, eleven. He had after all gone back from school on it as well. No, wait! It had been only ten times. He and Ron had flown the Weasleys' car to school instead at the beginning of their second year. Harry smiled. Snape hadn't been pleased.

He wondered if Snape was still at Hogwarts as he got into a small compartment in the front of the train and stored away his luggage.

'I hope not.' he thought. 'He'd be so disappointed in me.'

Strange how he'd come to respect the sarcastic potions master so much after hating and despising him for over four years. Now he truly admired him. It would be hard to face him. Hopefully he wouldn't have to. But facing Professor McGonagall and headmaster Dumbledore would be even harder. They'd all had such high expectations from him.

He knew Dumbledore was still at Hogwarts. He'd been the one who'd hired him after all. Even though they'd only corresponded by owl it had been hard for Harry to accept Dumbledore's offer, but he'd had nowhere else to go. He had been forced to return to the magical world and face his old teachers. Well, a large part of the staff would have to have been replaced by strangers by now as many changes had occurred in the magical world after the fall of Voldemort.

Harry of course hadn't been around to witness these changes, but he knew that many must have died in that last battle. Others might have changed jobs in order to replace them and others again would have wanted a change of scenery after the horrible things that must have happened at Hogwarts.

Harry had never wanted to find out what exactly had happened, but he had heard that the school had been the site of the final confrontation between Voldemort and Dumbledore.

With a heavy sigh Harry nestled back comfortably into his seat and closed his eyes. He had only just flown over from New York and jumped straight into that taxi as soon as he'd gotten through customs. The time difference would probably keep him awake the whole night. Maybe he could catch up on some sleep until they reached Hogwarts.

He was however woken only about two hours later by the hustle and bustle of excited students and their parents all over the platform and on the train. Second to seventh years were running up and down inside and outside the train yelling out loud greetings to friends they hadn't seen since the end of the last school year ... or maybe just since yesterday in Diagon Alley. Nervous first years were clinging to worried parents reluctant to say good bye until Christmas. Others were trying to get away as quickly as possible from overprotective parents and join their new friends on the train.

Harry watched three suspiciously red headed girls of different sizes quarrel about where to get onto the train and wondered what had become of the Weasleys. Those three looked too old to be the daughters of Ron or Ginny, but they might well be Bill's or Charlie's kids.

He smiled sadly as he watched an older boy helping a small boy to heave his heavy trunk onto the train. Just like Fred and George had helped him so many years ago. He'd been so alone and frightened, but at the same time so excited at going off towards a new life and he'd met Ron and they'd become friends and then they'd made friends with Hermione ...

Where were they now? And what did they think of him? Harry sighed again and tore his mind away from the painful memories. He'd known they would come back once he returned to the magical world, but he had nowhere else to go. He'd have to try and forget the past as much as possible.

He returned to watching the parents and children through the window.

Some of the pupils peered into his compartment, but seeing an adult in there they quickly walked on. They probably thought that he must be a new teacher. As the minutes ticked on and it got closer to the train's departure Harry realised that there weren't as many pupils as there had been in his days. Obviously the magical population of England was still badly shaken and diminished from the war.

As much as that thought worried him Harry was also glad about the fact that the train wasn't as full as it used to be. He had the compartment all to himself and didn't have to worry about answering any unwelcome questions about his past.

As the train took off Harry once again settled back into his seat, watching the scenery streak past and again fighting off unwelcome memories.

The witch with the food trolley came past about an hour later asking if he wanted anything. Harry's stomach growled slightly and his mouth watered at the memory of chocolate frogs and pumpkin pastries, but all he had was three pounds and the which didn't take muggle money. So Harry declined and she walked on.

Harry returned to staring miserably out of the window trying to console himself with the thought of the feast that was waiting for them at Hogwarts. Ah, but he'd have to eat it at the staff table under the eyes of Dumbledore, most likely McGonagall, maybe even Snape and who knew how many others.

Students walked past the compartment chatting. The which had obviously forgotten to close the door completely, but Harry felt too depressed to get up and close it. None of the students bothered him anyway.

He listened to their talk with half an ear. Chit chat about pupils he didn't know, quiddich teams he'd nearly forgotten and what they'd done in their holidays.

"Oh, I so hope to get into Slytherin!" he heard a first year exclaim anxiously.

"Yes, Slytherin is the best." agreed several others.

Harry shuddered at that, but the group soon walked past and he couldn't hear them anymore.

A while later a large toad hopped into his compartment and under his seat.

With a smile Harry got up and bent to capture the little explorer. He suddenly remembered Neville Longbottom and his constantly missing toad. What had been his name again?

"Trevor?" a man's voice called behind him. "Trevor, where are you? Do you have to embarrass me in front of the pupils before we even reach the school?"

That wasn't a pupil's voice and the name of the toad ... Harry shot around with Trevor grasped tightly in his hand and stared at the stout man in the door.

"Oh, you've found my toad, thank you." said the stranger reaching out to take the animal out of his hands. "He keeps runn..."

He looked up into Harry's face and suddenly noticed the scar on his forehead.

"Neville?" gasped Harry.

"Harry!" exclaimed Neville Longbottom obviously overjoyed. "It's been so long since I last saw you. We've all missed you so much. How are you? I really expected to meet you at Hagrid's wedding."

"Hagrid's married?" Harry asked in surprise. He'd had no idea.

"Oh, yes! He married Madame Maxime three years ago. Their first son was born last spring."

"Why I have to run over and congratulate him as soon as we get to Hogwarts." Harry decided.

"Hagrid's no longer at Hogwarts, Harry." Neville told him gently. "He's teaching at Beauxbattons now to be closer to his wife."

"Oh. I'd have loved to come to his wedding, but he must have forgotten to send me an invitation." said Harry staring at the floor. "No wonder after I stayed away for so long and with all the preparations for the wedding..."

"Oh no, he didn't. Hagrid told me himself that you were one of the first people he sent an invitation to." replied Neville shaking his head. "But we didn't know where you were at the time. I guess the owl must have gotten lost."

Harry thought back to the many owls he'd gotten, but refused to accept after he'd decided to leave the magical world for good.

"I've been travelling about a lot ever since Askaban. You know, getting to know the world. Exploring it the muggle way. The owl probably didn't find me, because I never stayed in one place for very long." he explained quickly. It wasn't entirely a lie. He really had travelled the muggle world a lot. Running from his past. Running from himself.

Neville too stared at his feet for a moment at the mention of Askaban, but he recovered quickly.

"So you're going to be a teacher too?" he asked Harry. "What subject will you be teaching?"

"No, Neville. I couldn't be a teacher if I wanted to. I never finished my sixth year, remember." answered Harry sadly.

"Ah yes, I almost forgot. So you're coming back to finish your education?"

"No." said Harry desperately trying not to show how ashamed he felt. "Mr. Filch retired at the end of the last school year and Dumbledore couldn't find a suitable replacement so he asked me. And since I didn't really have anything better to do and ..." Harry decided that a little lie couldn't hurt. "... I really missed the castle and all I accepted. It's time I came home after all."

Neville smiled happily at that. Harry couldn't tell how much of the truth Neville had guessed from that story.

"That's great. We're going to be colleges then. I'm the new herbology teacher." Neville explained. "Professor Sprout has retired too and she recommended me as her successor."

"Congratulations Neville. You must have made quite an impression on her. I always knew you had a knack for herbology of course, but being made a professor at 27 sure is something."

"Oh, most of the staff are about our age. I'm not even the youngest. That would be Ginny."

"Not Ginny Weasley!" exclaimed Harry. "Don't tell me our Ginny is teaching at Hogwarts."

"Yes she is." grinned Neville. "I know she seemed much to shy and soft spoken back when you knew her, but she's changed a lot since then. She's also missed you a lot. I bet she'll be happy to see you back."

Harry's thoughts once again drifted off into the past as the train slowly rolled into Hogsmeade station. He and Neville who was still holding Trevor in his hand tightly got off amongst excited students happy to be back and nervous first years unsure what to expect.

Harry expected to see Hagrid's giant form looming over him shouting "Fist years over here!" at any moment, but of course Hagrid was no longer here. He wondered who had taken his place.

 

In the next chapter: we find out who Hagrid's successor is, learn more about the battle at Hogwarts and it's heroes and meet a first year who wants to be a Slytherin.


	2. Charlie

Chapter 2: Charlie

 

Harry and Neville got off the train and stopped to admire the view of the castle just like they had 16 years ago when they'd first come to Hogwarts.

Harry smiled at the sight of the only home he'd ever known. He was coming back! If only he didn't have to face all the people he'd disappointed, all the sad memories.

The castle still looked exactly like he remembered it. Nothing seemed to have changed at all.

"They sure patched it up well, after the war." commented Neville. "I can hardly see where they fixed it."

"I don't see any difference at all. Are you sure the castle was damaged?" Harry asked him.

"Of course it was. They had to rebuild the whole north tower and there were large holes in the walls. This whole side of the walls was blackened by fireball spells. They tried to draw our forces to this side, you know, while they blew the holes into the other walls to get in. The north tower collapsed on top of them when Albus destroyed Voldemort. But they still killed so many of us. It took us days to dig all the bodies out. Some were found alive, like Albus, but most of them were dead."

Harry stared at Neville. The calm with which the once so timid boy pronounced the name Voldemort! Then it hit him. 'It took US days' Neville had said.

"You were there? You were one of the defenders of Hogwarts?" and where had he been. Harry felt so terribly, desperately ashamed talking to an actual war hero.

"Well, they needed all the help they could get. I sort of felt obliged to help protect the people. All those muggles were absolutely helpless without magic. If we hadn't been able to stop Voldemort they'd have been slaughtered. So I volunteered. Albus knew of course that I wasn't a fighter. I'd never been one for duelling. He told me to help with the evacuation of the students. Take them into hiding and guard them, calm them down while the battle was raging outside. I'd have died to protect them, but we never were found. We returned to the school when it was all over and helped with the digging. I wasn't a hero, but I'd like to think that I did give the heroes a little hand. Maybe one more life was saved, because there was one more pair of hands digging and maybe my presence in the hideout helped the kids a little bit to get over the fear."

"But you were there and you were willing to die for all those people. Just because it never got that far doesn't make you any less of a hero. I bet those children really looked up to you." Harry said. Clumsy little Neville had done all this. Done everything he could and he didn't even think much of it.

"I only did what everybody would have done. Yes, maybe some of the little ones did look up to me, but not like they did to the real heroes like Albus and Severus and Draco. They still do, you know. Especially Severus. Without him it would all have been in vain."

Harry looked up at the castle once again trying to find the places Neville had pointed out to him. The places where the stone had been fixed. Albus, Severus ... and Draco? The heroes of the war.

Albus Dumbledore of course had been the one to destroy Voldemort. No other wizard alive would have had the power to do so. Few others would have even dared to get in his way. Yes, Albus Dumbledore was someone kids should look up to. He always had been a hero.

Severus Snape? Nobody had risked more in the fight against Voldemort than Severus Snape death eater turned spy. Harry had grudgingly learned to respect him over the years as he'd gotten to know more and more of his story. Yes, Severus too was worthy of admiration, even though he wasn't as much the shining hero that Dumbledore was. But maybe that made him even more of a hero, that he'd originally gone wrong, then turned and made up for his mistakes. He'd been willing to pay with his life. Had even expected it, but it seemed it had never happened. Severus Snape against all odds had survived. Yes again, that was a feat worthy of admiration.

But Draco? Draco Malfoy? He remembered the day Draco had turned the dark lord down. It had surprised everybody. But Draco had said that he'd remain neutral. He'd seemed to be in favour of the dark side, just unsure if he wanted to chance the risk involved. Why had Draco Malfoy then cast his lot with the forces of light at the very moment it seemed that the dark was winning? It seemed Harry and all the world had completely misjudged the last Malfoy.

"Draco Malfoy war hero?"

"Yes." said Neville without a hint of sarcasm or wonder. "He broke with his family, his friends, with everything to fight the man he was raised to serve. He's one of the greatest men I've ever met and I have met many." he smiled. "He's that and a good friend."

"A friend?" Harry thought of all the times Draco had hexed Neville in school. It was hard to believe.

"I thought that Ginny was eventually gonna marry him, but now that you're back I'm no longer sure."

"Oh, she'll certainly do better with a war hero than with me." Harry tried to laugh it off, but the thought that Ginny might still like him ...

"First years, down to the pier! First years!" came a voice that was somehow familiar to Harry.

He turned. A big redheaded man was walking up towards them with a happy smile on his face. Every few steps he stopped to direct a few first years towards the pier. Harry blinked. He thought he knew Hagrid's successor.

"Hey, Charlie!" shouted Neville waving excitedly. "Over here!"

Charlie Weasley! That's who it was.

Charlie waved back happily and stopped again to talk to two more confused first years. The two girls' faces lit up at hearing the directions he gave them and they hurried off towards the pier.

Neville grabbed Harry's arm and dragged him over to Charlie's side.

"Charlie! Old friend! It is good to see you."

Charlie hugged Neville tightly.

"It's good to see you again too, Nev. I was so happy for you when Albus announced that you'd be the new herbology teacher. And you too Harry. So glad you decided to come back. You'll love it here. We're like a big family here at Hogwarts. All old friends."

Charlie glanced up and down the station while Harry stuttered out a nervous greeting. But there was nobody in sight.

"Seems like I got all the first years. Unless one of them took off with the older students again. Well, if that happens we'll catch the little stray up at the school. Do you two want to ride over in the boats with me and the little ones? There's enough room and I'd love the company. I haven't seen enough of either of you of late. Especially you Harry."

Neville happily agreed saying that he'd love to relive the memories of his first arrival at Hogwarts and Harry found himself dragged along before he could protest.

"What have you been doing all this time Harry?" Charlie asked happily while they walked down to the pier. "Nobody has heard of you in years."

"Oh I was exploring the muggle world. Travelling about, taking in the sights. Had some odd jobs here and there, but I never stayed long. There always was some place I still wanted to see." The lie was getting easier and of course it would sound convincing to a Weasley. They always had been curious about everything muggle.

"You'll have to tell me everything about the places you have seen sometime." Charlie smiled and turned to quickly count the children. "61!" he announced proudly. "That's all. We obviously haven't missed anybody."

He quickly sent them off into the boats, then invited Harry and Neville to join him in his own boat along with the last little boy. Harry saw the many boats that remained behind as the fleet took off. Back before the war all the boats had usually been full to bursting.

"What happened to your dragon studies in Romania, Charlie?" Harry asked to take his mind off the empty boats and the others' off his past.

"Oh well, when I heard about the war back at home I came back to lend a hand. I arrived to hear that Albus had collected all our forces at Hogwarts to meet the dark forces there and hurried over, but it was all over by the time I arrived." he shook his head sadly.

"Oh, did you see the defeated death eaters?" said the little boy obviously in awe.

"Sadly, no. I arrived when they had already dug most of the dead out of the debris and the death eaters had already been taken away to Askaban." he told the boy. "But I did see all the destruction they left behind. At first glance I thought that we must have lost the battle so bad was the damage."

The boy stared at Charlie wide eyed.

"It was that bad?"

"Oh yes, it looked terrible."

"How did you know it was safe to show yourself then?"

"Well, I watched the survivors dig through the debris for a while and then professor Longbottom here came out and I recognised him. That's how I knew it was safe."

The boy directed his admiring gaze towards Neville.

"Then you were here and saw it all?" he asked with bated breath.

"I wasn't here during the battle." Neville smiled down at him. "I was one of those who were sent off to protect the students who were hiding in a cave away from the scene of the battle."

"But you did fight Voldemort's death eaters?"

"No, we were never discovered, but we did hear the sound of the battle."

"I'd have run and helped with the fighting!" the boy announced proudly.

"Ah, but we couldn't. We had to stay and protect the children. The death eaters never did find them, but we didn't know that then. We were there to protect them should they be attacked and many of them were crying and very much afraid. I stayed and told them stories to make them feel better."

The boy nodded exitedly.

"That was really nice of you."

"Well, I didn't get to do any fighting." Charlie continued his story. "But I saw all the destruction the war had left behind and so I decided to stay and help rebuilding. I missed the work with the animals though and when Hagrid got married and moved to France Albus offered me his job. That's how I got here."

Neville turned to the boy once again.

"Say young man, I believe you didn't tell us your name."

"Oh right." the boy blushed. "I'm Kevin Pattil."

"Ah yes, we went to school with your aunts Parvati and Padma. We were in the same year." said Neville indicating Harry and himself. "Parvati even was in the same house as us, Gryffindor."

"Really? Did you know her well?"

"A little. As I said she was in our house. What house do you want to be in, Kevin?"

"Why Slytherin of course!" exclaimed Kevin at once. "It's the best of all. Wouldn't you have wanted to be in Slytherin if you could have?"

Luckily Harry and Neville didn't have to answer that for they had reached the other side of the lake and quickly climbed ashore.

 

In the next chapter: we meet another teacher, learn more the first yers' opinions on the school's houses and meet er ... someone called Twichy.


	3. Minerva

Chapter 3: Minerva

 

Harry and Neville followed Charlie all the way to the doors of Hogwarts. Neville and Charlie were chatting away happily talking about old friends and the latest developments in the wizarding world.

Harry listened with half an ear, but it all meant nothing to him. Some of the people they talked about he'd never known, the others not heard from in years and he'd not bothered to learn of the events in the wizarding world in ten long years. He wasn't a part of that anymore and he wondered why he was letting himself get sucked back into it.

'Because I don't have any other chance.' he thought bitterly. 'What alternatives did I have? None. I'd really be better off dead.'

But that hadn't worked either. He tried to ignore the two old friends and their happy chatter. They weren't ignoring him on purpose. They were just friends who hadn't seen each other in a while and needed to share the latest gossip. Harry was a stranger however hard they tried to treat him like one of their own. He knew they didn't really want him. How could they after what he'd done? But they were kind enough to make an attempt at making him feel welcome. He ought to feel grateful, but all he did feel was out of place and left out.

Behind him the children were discussing the sorting in excited voices. How would they be sorted? Would there be difficult tests to pass? What houses would they get sorted into? The children from wizarding families were explaining the merits of the different houses to the muggle borns.

"Slytherin is the best of course. Most of the great war heroes were Slytherins and Professor Snape is simply the greatest anyway." one girl was saying. "He was Dumbledore's highest placed spy in Voldemort's army. Saved more lives than you can believe."

"And he also was the one to lead Voldemort into Dumbledore's trap. He knew he'd likely be killed the moment Voldemort realised, but he did it anyway. He'd have given his life for the fight." joined in another.

"He always risked his life for Dumbledore and his people. And he actually put a few curses on the dark lord himself during the duel. They say that's what turned the tide of the battle. It distracted Voldemort and gave Dumbledore the chance to get his own curse in." the first continued. "I've just got to be in his house."

"Everybody wants to be in Slytherin, you see." explained another child. "They're the cleverest and most successful. A Slytherin will always get what they want. They're a really tight group, you know and their members are strategically placed everywhere. They can help you wherever you want to go."

"What about the other houses? Don't they help each other too?" asked somebody.

"Sure, but they're not as good at it as the Slytherins and definitely not as organised. Though Ravenclaw's not bad either. They're the wisest of all houses and usually get the best grades. But they're more the booky ones. Not as heroic as the Slytherins. Their head of house is cool though. He's an old Slytherin war hero too, you know. If I can't be a Slytherin, I want to be a Ravenclaw. It's really the only other option."

"Why? Didn't you say there were four houses? What's wrong with the other two?"

Harry wanted to know that too. Slytherin the best house? And Ravenclaw the second best, because their head of house was a Slytherin? And all of them war heroes. It made him feel so guilty. He should have been there. Should have helped at least a little bit like Charlie.

"Well, Hufflepuff is a nice house, but they're not very successful and they don't have any heroes to speak of there. But they are helpful and kind people. Hufflepuff's good if you want to learn medicine or become a social worker. They're good at Herbology too. But mostly they're good at helping people. There weren't any Hufflepuff heroes in the fight, but they helped out a lot with the rebuilding. Took in the homeless, cared for the injured. That sort of thing. They're also real hard workers. Without them we might still be rebuilding parts of Hogsmede. So being a Hufflepuff's okay I guess."

"And the fourth house? Who are they?"

"Gryffindor. They're said to be very courageous." Harry winced when he heard that. "But they're also a bit too naive and trusting. Most Gryffindors just charge ahead into danger without thinking and then get killed. They're easy to read, straightforward people. Easy to manipulate too. Always say what they think and expect others to do the same. There were some Gryffindor war heroes, but most of them died in the battle. Dumbledore himself's a Gryffindor though, so they cant all be stupid, but the other houses have a better survival rate. Slytherins are clever and Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs usually avoid danger. Only the Gryfindors rush straight in."

'Well, I didn't do that, at least.' thought Harry. 'Or did I? I was easy to manipulate. That's for sure.'

He sighed softly. He didn't want Neville or Charlie to hear him. They'd ask him what was wrong and wouldn't be satisfied with a quick 'Nothing, everything's fine.' He wished he was far, far away from this place full of people who'd fought the dark lord and children wishing to be Slytherins. Who'd have ever expected that a whole load of first years would want to go into Slytherin. There had to be something wrong with this year's pick.

Charlie soon led them to the same door Harry remembered from his own first year. The wooden door looked very new though. It must have had been replaced after the battle.

Charlie knocked and the door opened to reveal Professor McGonagall. She looked just the same as Harry remembered her. Well, maybe there was a little more white in her hair, but it was still the same Professor McGonagall he knew.

"Here you go, Minerva." Charlie smiled at her. "The new pupils and new staff members delivered to your door by yours truly."

Minerva McGonagall smiled back slightly, thanked Charlie who took off in the direction of the great hall immediately, cast a stem look over the children and then turned towards Neville.

"It is good to see you again, Neville. I'm very proud of your achievements. I have to admit that I never expected it, but you have turned out to be one of the most successful Gryffindors of your Generation."

"Thank you, Minerva." Neville blushed. "I never did expect to come this far myself I worked hard for this."

"That you did and that is why I'm so proud of you. You might not have as much magic as others, but you never let that stop you from working hard and doing the right thing. You will be a good example to your students no doubt."

Neville blushed even more.

"But Minerva I'll only teach Herbology. It's not like many students consider it a mayor subject. I do intend to try and make it more appealing to them though. It is quite fascinating once you get deeper into the matter."

"I'm sure you'll get their attention. Maybe not all of them, but then again none of us do get all our students to listen. People have different talents and interests and even the best teacher can't change that." said Professor McGonagall. "Albus would like to see you in his office before the sorting. The password's lemon drops this year."

"Then I'd better go right now. Hope to talk to you more later when everything's settled down." Neville disappeared in the direction of the headmaster's office.

Harry wondered if he should have followed him, but it hadn't sounded as if Dumbledore's invitation extended to him as well.

"He'd like to talk to you too of course, but there just isn't enough time now so he's decided to postpone that till after the feast." Professor McGonagall seemed to have read his mind. Well, maybe she'd just read the expression on his face.

"I'm sorry Professor. You can't be very proud of me."

"No I am not." McGonagall admitted beckoning towards Harry and the children to follow her into the castle. "But please call me Minerva. We're colleges now."

Harry nodded even though she couldn't see it as her back was already turned to him. The offer hadn't sounded as if it had been her idea anyway. Most likely it had been Dumbledore's order. An attempt to make him feel at home? Harry wasn't sure if he liked it or not.

Suddenly a small white something dashed past Minerva and towards Harry. Harry stopped frightened for a moment. The children shrieked excitedly and pointed at the white something craning their necks trying to see what it was. It was too big for a mouse. A white rat perhaps? Minerva too had been a little startled when the something had whisked past her. She immediately regained her composure however and turned towards the white thing.

"Twichy? What are you doing here? Don't you have better things to do than to cause chaos among the kids just before the sorting?"

Twichy stopped and turned to look at her slightly apologetically and Harry got a first clear look at him. A white ferret. Very pretty with a constantly twitching nose and quivering long beard. He also didn't seem able to hold still for more than a few seconds. He fidgeted to the right, then to the left, turned and ran towards Harry once again where he stopped for a moment and regarded his jeans with a slightly confused expression. Obviously he was not used to people wearing muggle clothes. The ferret seemed to shrug in almost human fashion, grabbed a hold of the jeans and climbed up to his shoulder within seconds. For a moment Harry could feel his nose and beard tickle his right ear, then he was off again and had reached the left shoulder within a heartbeat.

Harry turned his head several times to try and get another good look at the ferret, but it seemed he was always a tad too slow. Twichy? Twitchy would have been a more apt name for the little creature.

Harry finally caught sight of him on his left shoulder where he'd stopped for a moment and then started to lick his fur.

"Don't worry about that." Minerva said almost laughing at his expression. "Twichy is the friendliest little creature you can imagine and he seems to have taken a liking to you."

Harry assumed that Twichy must be the pet of one of the older pupils that obviously had the run of the castle. He was most likely absolutely unstoppable he decided. With the speed and energy the ferret had just demonstrated he'd never be caught if he didn't want to.

Minerva didn't give any further explanations concerning the ferret. She seemed to find something very amusing in the way Twichy had taken to Harry.

Harry decided that the animal was obviously indeed harmless and a rather pleasant companion at that and walked on careful not to disturb him.

"It seems you have a rather unusual crowd of first years this year." he remarked hoping to start some sort of conversation with Minerva to distract himself from his nervousness about meeting the rest of the staff and being introduced to the pupils.

"Unusual?" asked Minerva. "How so?"

"All the way here they've been talking about how they all want to be Slytherins and how that is the greatest house and all."

"Oh, that's not unusual. Slytherin is very popular. It's been that way ever since the defeat of Voldemort. The kids just look up to Severus so much they all want to be in his house. Nothing out of the ordinary."

"But doesn't that trend worry you?" Harry asked her confused. "After all that house has produced more dark wizards than any other."

"It also has produced more and better aurors than any other, Harry. Not to mention all the potions masters and teachers. Slytherin is a very versatile house. It's members are chosen for their ambition and that is a trait that can easily lead to evil, but also is the inspiration that leads to many other things. Every house has its bad side, but we usually tend to ignore it and look at its good sides instead. But we ought to do so for all houses, not just the ones we like best. Slytherin won the war for us, Harry. Never forget that."

Harry felt another wave of guilt wash over him. Slytherin had won the war. His old enemies had fought by the side of his former friends and where had he been? He stared at the floor not wanting to meet Minerva's eyes again. Twichy brushed against his cheek with his soft fur, but Harry didn't react. The ferret pushed his cheek with his twitchy little nose then slipped into his pocket.

This time Harry reacted. He tried to grab the little fellow and pull him out, but Twichy slipped expertly through his fingers and squeezed himself into his trouser pocket where he found the rest of Harry's muggle money. He sniffed that for a moment then noticed that Harry obviously wasn't after him anymore and climbed back out. Pushed against Harry's hand. Then raced towards the next pocket. Harry didn't grab for him.

Twichy stopped again, returned to Harry's hand and pushed. 'Come on, come on! Catch me, catch me, catch me!'

Harry finally obliged and didn't even notice the smile with which Minerva watched the game. Twichy sure knew how to cheer somebody up.

 

In the next chapter: we meet the new divination teacher, get a first view of the rest of the staff and Harry is in for some not so pleasant surprises when he sees who they are.


	4. Lavender

Chapter 4: Lavender

 

Minerva left the first years in the same room Harry remembered from his own first day of school and led Harry towards the great hall. When they passed the stairs that led down towards the dungeons Twichy suddenly jumped off his shoulder and raced down the steps. Harry looked after him with a touch of regret. It would have been nice to face the teachers and students with his little animal friend around, but the ferret seemed to have different ideas.

'He must be a Slytherin's pet.' Harry thought. 'He's gone down there looking for his owner. Hope he doesn't get worried when he doesn't find anyone home yet.'

Minerva showed him his seat in the great hall and Harry sat down and watched the students arrive. There were fewer then he remembered from his own days, but they were just as noisy and excited. Greetings and friendly banter were exchanged between the four house tables more frequently than back in Harry's time and the Slytherins mixed freely with the other houses. None of the houses seemed to be avoided the way Slytherin had been back then. Or maybe Harry was just overlooking small signs of resentment after all this time? Maybe he didn't remember correctly?

While Harry was watching the students the other teachers began to arrive. Harry cast a guarded glance around hoping not to be noticed. They'd know that he was coming wouldn't they? He hoped that nobody would be surprised.

McGonagall was at the moment the only one of his old teachers there, but he also saw Madam Pomfrey and Madam Pince and several suspiciously familiar faces.

The seat at the head of the table was still empty. Harry looked around for Neville, but didn't find him anywhere either. He and Dumbledore were probably still talking. Severus Snape walked in accompanied by ... That had to be Draco Malfoy. He still looked like a younger version of his father. Hard to believe that the two were actually that different. Snape sat down in his old chair to the left of where Dumbledore would sit. Opposite from him to the headmaster's right McGonagall's chair would remain empty until after the sorting. Draco sat down next to Snape with Madam Pince on his other side and said a greeting to somebody Harry couldn't see as Pomfrey was sitting right next to that person obscuring his view. Harry leant over slightly and saw a young woman with bushy brown hair smile back at Draco.

'Oh, no! Hermione!' He hadn't expected to find her here at all. Well, when he thought about it it made sense that she'd become a teacher. Harry quickly turned his attention back to watching the pupils before she could look up and notice him staring at her. He just couldn't deal with seeing an old friend right now. Neville had been bad enough even though he hadn't made any unpleasant remarks. Harry suspected that meeting Hermione again would be very different. Remembering how she'd always admonished them to obey the rules he shivered uneasily.

Still his attention was drawn back to the table as more and more teachers took their seats. He winced when he recognised Remus Lupin and Sirius Black beside Pince and Pomfrey. He concluded at once that Lupin was back to teach DADA once again, but what the hell was his godfather doing at Hogwarts? Sirius was pretty much the last person in the world Harry wanted to see right now. Luckily a pretty redheaded woman was sitting next to Sirius taking up all his attention. Harry gasped softly when she turned her head slightly to say something to the dark haired women facing her thereby giving him a first chance to see her face.

Ginny Weasley! Could it get any worse? Yes it could. The dark haired woman she was talking to turned out to be none other than Cho Chang Harry's first love. Beside her Charlie Weasley gave him an encouraging smile. Harry stared at the empty seat beside him hoping that somebody would finally come and sit between him and Ginny. But what if his neighbour was somebody he knew as well? Harry turned to Charlie.

"Whose chair is this?" he asked fearing the worst.

"Neville's I suppose. Lavender or Michael could claim it as well, but I don't expect they will. Neither of them shows up down here very often."

"Lavender or Michael?" Harry wondered.

"Oh Michael is the astronomy teacher. You don't know him. Left Hogwarts before your time. You won't really get to know him either most likely. He's a bit of a loner. Always has his head in a cloud and as I already said he barely ever leaves his tower, just like Lavender."

Harry was just about to inquire deeper into the subject of Lavender when another redhead showed up claiming the chair facing him. He was obviously another Weasley. But which one?

'Oh please don't let that be Ron. Spare me having to meet Ron again.' thought Harry.

"Hello Charlie! Hi, Harry! So how many first years do we have this year?"

"Hi Fred!" answered Charlie smiling happily. "Not as many as we'd have liked, but the numbers seem to be rising again."

Harry breathed a sigh of relief. Only Fred. But where was his twin? What had happened to their joke shop? He remembered that Minerva had spoken of rebuilding Hogsmede. Had the twins lost their shop in the war? That seemed plausible, but didn't explain the absence of George. He'd never seen one of the twins without the other before. Harry felt slight worry creeping up on him.

Suddenly his nose caught the smell of incense. He turned his head towards the door it was coming from and saw a mass of brightly coloured shawls closing in on him. For a moment Harry thought that it was Professor Trelawney come to predict his death once again. Then he noticed the woman's face and calmed down a little. She was much younger than Trelawney had been. About his own age to be exact. Once again a nasty suspicion crept up on him. Hadn't Charlie mentioned a woman called Lavender. But this couldn't be. Yes it was, he realised with a sinking feeling. Lavender Brown.

"Lavender, what a surprise to se you here." Fred greeted her grinning. "Can we expect Michael to grace us with his presence as well?"

"That I do not know. I only asked my tarot cards if I should join you for the feast this year. I did not check who else would be present."

Lavender moved towards the chair to Harry's right, but stopped short when she saw him. "You do not expect me to sit beside that fugitive from Azkaban, do you?"

Harry winced.

"I am not a fugitive!" he hissed at her with as much conviction as he could muster. "I served out my sentence and was officially released."

The whole table fell silent. Everybody was staring at Harry and Lavender. Had he been that loud. He ducked and tried to look as inconspicuous as he could.

"As if that makes any difference. I will not tolerate that criminal beside me." Lavender announced seemingly not having the slightest problem with being stared at.

Maybe teachers developed an immunity to that after a while? Or maybe Lavender just knew that she had every right to demand that. He was an ex convict after all. Why should they have to accept him after all that he'd done? Maybe he should go and eat in the caretaker's office? But Dumbledore would have to introduce him to the children. Or was that important after all? He was only the caretaker.

"Good idea, Lavender." said Minerva into the silence. "Go back to your tower and relieve us of your presence."

"I would love to leave this overrun place, Minerva. As you know it clouds my inner eye to be around so many hectic people, but I have read in the cards that I have to be here for the feast today or else a great tragedy will strike all of us this year."

"What tragedy?" asked Hermione sweetly. "That you wont get any of the pudding for desert?"

Several teachers laughed. The pupils next to the head table began to notice. They turned their heads expectantly. A fight between the teachers? That was too good to miss.

Lavender wrinkled her nose at Hermione as if she wasn't even deserving of an answer and turned to walk towards Fred.

"Alas, I shall take Michael's seat this year to avoid the criminal." she declared as she sat down beside him.

Fred rolled his eyes at her.

"I do hope she doesn't plan to join us for meals too often." he remarked to nobody in particular.

Lavender opened her mouth to respond and ... closed it again. She was looking at something behind Harry. He turned and saw Albus Dumbledore and Neville walking up to them and the way the headmaster was looking at Lavender was anything but pleased.

Harry remembered how McGonagall had asked him to call her Minerva. Yes, Dumbledore must indeed have asked his staff to be nice to Harry. He might not have heard the things she'd said, but he had obviously noticed her change of seat and wasn't happy with her at all.

Dumbledore showed Neville to his chair, greeted Harry warmly and then walked to his own place at the head of the table to announce the beginning of the sorting.

That surprised Harry. He hadn't even noticed when Minerva had left the room. It must have been the very moment Dumbledore had come in for she was already back leading in the quivering first years.

Harry remembered his own sorting and how he had feared that he might not be chosen at all. He remembered how he had always loved to watch the sorting afterwards. But not this time. While the sorting hat sang his song Harry wished he were somewhere anywhere else. After the ceremony Dumbledore would introduce him to the students. They'd all find out who he was. Had they heard of him before? They must have. Those that hadn't would soon find out from their classmates. Did they know what he'd done? Know about Azkaban? Of course they did. They'd all glare at him the way Lavander was glaring right now. Or they'd pretend that it never happened like Neville and Charlie. No, they wouldn't do that. They had never known him before, had never been his friends. Why should they pretend? They'd shout out their protest, write home letters of complaint to their parents. And what would Dumbledore do if they started pulling their children out of his school in protest? There were too few students anyhow. Dumbledore couldn't risk losing any more. He'd have to fire Harry. And what would become of him then? Where could he go?

The sorting proceeded mercilessly. Minerva called up name after name. The hat announced house after house. Pupils applauded their new housemates. Harry noticed that the applause from the Slytherin table seemed to be the loudest. Gryffindors seemed to get less applause than the others. Or was he just imagining that. Was it because he had been a Gryffindor? No, of course not. Why would they care about that. He wasn't important enough to be remembered like that. It must have been because of the traditional rivalry between Slytherin and Gryffindor. Everybody loved Slytherin so they disliked Gryffindor. Slytherin house of heroes? He still couldn't quite believe that.

Once all first years had been sorted the headmaster got up and gestured for silence. The sound of the students' voices trickled away slowly. Their respect for the headmaster didn't seem to have improved much over the last ten years. Dumbledore patently waited them out. Harry wondered how Snape would have reacted, but then again Snape would probably never have gotten that kind of reaction. Most likely the students would have shut up immediately if the potions master had had anything to tell them.

"Welcome back for another year at Hogwarts. Before we start on the feast let me quickly introduce two new members of our staff. Professor Sprout as you all know has retired and I now ask you to please welcome her successor Professor Longbottom."

The pupils applauded dutifully. Harry was getting nervous once again. What if the students got up and demanded he leave straight away? How would Dumbledore react?

"Professor Longbottom is one of the best known experts on herbology in all of Europe and also one of the brave men who helped with the defence of Hogwarts during the war."

"Ahhh!" and "Ohhh!" came from the students.

They were obviously very impressed with Neville's achievements. So was Harry.

"Please don't get the wrong impression." interjected Neville. "I wasn't a war hero. I only helped to hide and guard the children. I never took part in the actual action. I'm not much of a fighter, you know."

"Indeed, Professor Longbottom's role during the battle was one of the less glorious, but also one of the most important. The castle we defended could have been rebuilt as indeed it partially was. But the children were what we were truly defending that day. If they had been taken by the enemy all would have been lost. For you, the students are what makes Hogwarts so important and every single one of you is irreplaceable. That is why Professor Longbottom and some others stayed behind when the rest of us went into battle. To protect the most valuable thing we had. And believe me to those children that they protected that day they are the greatest heroes of all."

More "Ahhh!"s and "Ohh!"s were heard and the students applauded enthusiastically. No matter what Neville thought about his activities in the war, the children were impressed.

"We also have a new caretaker this year and I hope that you will show him some more respect than you did Mr. Filch. Yes, I know poor Mr. Filch was a squib and nearly deaf and couldn't keep up with you anymore, but our new caretaker is none of these things." Dumbledore admonished the children. "Please welcome Mr. Potter."

Some polite applause and a lot of whispering.

"Mr. Potter? Not that Mr. Potter, do you think?"

Harry tried to ignore it. At least they weren't protesting out loud.

"Mr. Potter, if you could please come with me to my office after the feast. There are a few things I'd like to talk to you about." Dumbledore added.

Harry nodded quietly. Things were going better than he'd feared, but he still didn't want to attract too much attention to himself.

Dumbledore smiled reassuringly and started the feast. Harry finally remembered how hungry he was. He hadn't eaten since the plane this morning and the Hogwarts food was still as good as it had always been. Harry tried some of every dish much as he had done back during his first feast so many years ago and tried to pretend that he didn't see how Lavender was still glaring at him over her plate.

 

In the next chapter: we talk to the headmaster, find out why Dumbledore made Harry come back and Harry wonders how one man alone is supposed to clean all of Hogwarts.


	5. Albus

Chapter 5: Albus

 

Harry followed Albus Dumbledore up to his office without a word. What could he have said? He probably should have thanked him for giving him a chance and a new job, but right now, after his encounter with Lavender and seeing who he'd be working with he didn't feel all too happy about working at Hogwarts.

Dumbledore didn't say anything either. He walked ahead smiling back at Harry occasionally as if he expected him to start the conversation. Harry remained silent.

Tired pupils passed them in large groups on the way to their dorms. Harry remembered the first time he'd seen the Gryffindor common room hidden behind the portrait of the fat lady and how impressed he'd been. He'd also managed to sneak into the Slytherin common room once and he remembered wondering what Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw looked like. Well, very soon now he'd know. He'd get to clean them, after all.

He wondered how he was supposed to keep all of the large castle clean on his own. Or was there some spell he was supposed to use to help him? But Filch had been a squib. He couldn't have performed any spells. So how had the old caretaker managed? Magic equipment?

Dumbledore led Harry into the office and closed the door behind them.

"We missed you, Harry." he said softly.

Harry didn't answer. Yeah, sure. Lavender Brown had obviously missed him. That was why she didn't want to sit next to him during the feast. Neville and Charlie however had really seemed happy to see him and Neville hadn't even been expecting him. Well, maybe he did have one friend among the staff. Neville was as new as he was. That might make him want to stick with Harry no matter what he'd done.

Oh sure, Neville the war hero. Why would he? He'd been welcomed by the staff like he'd always belonged here. Of course he had been. They shared so many memories. Memories of the great battle they'd fought together while Harry had been sitting in his small cell in Azkaban wondering what had become of the people he'd once called friends. Maybe he should have tried to find out after they'd let him out. Maybe he should have come back, just to say a few good byes.

"I let you disappear into the muggle world, because I thought that it that was what you wanted, you'd be all right there. You were raised by muggles after all. I expected you'd know what you were doing, but you didn't, did you?"

Harry again said nothing. What was there to say? He'd drifted about after he'd gotten out of Azkaban. He'd seen almost the whole world, running from himself, running from what he'd done, running from what all the people in the wizarding world must think of him. Well, now he was here. No more running. There was no more place to run to.

"I always kept watching you from the distance, you know." Dumbledore sighed. "I thought you'd calm down after a while, find a place where you wanted to stay, but you always kept moving on doing an odd job here this week another there the next. You made it really hard for me to follow your movements. I nearly lost you a couple of times."

"I did not ask you to follow me." Harry stated, his voice trembling slightly despite his best effort at sounding casual. "I didn't want to be followed. I wanted to be left alone, to get away from the wizarding world."

"Ah, but I did leave you alone. I was just watching, never interfering. I let you go your way. I thought you were old enough to know what you were doing. I trusted you that you'd be able to work it out and then ... " Dumbledore stopped and stared at Harry for a while.

"Harry, why did you try to take your own life?" he then asked softly. "Why didn't you ever ask for my help if you were that desperate? Didn't I always do my best to help you out whenever you were in trouble? Why would you want to die rather than turn to me?"

Harry stared at the floor at his feet. Dumbledore sounded so sad, so disappointed. But shouldn't he have been disappointed a long time before Harry had ended up in that muggle hospital after he'd slit his wrists? And what was he expecting him to say about it?

"But I didn't want your help. I didn't want to come back here. All that time I was travelling, moving on? I was looking for a place where I wouldn't remember, where I could be just any muggle and never have anything to do with the wizarding world again. But I couldn't find it. There is no such place. Too many of my memories are tied to the wizarding world and all of them always lead me back to what I did. I disappointed all of you. How could I come back? I no longer belong here. Why did you make me come back?"

"Because I don't want you to die, Harry. Because I think that I can help you, that this is the best for you. Here is where you belong, Harry. This is your home. As I said: We all missed you. We want you back and you need us."

"Oh sure, like Lavender wants me? Or McGonagall? Oh yes, McGonagall's pretending everything's all right, but she can't really look me in the eyes when she's talking to me. She's too disappointed and with a good reason."

"She still missed you. She doesn't know how to talk to you after you've been gone for so long, but she'll get over that in time.' Lavender, I admit, isn't too thrilled to see you again, but then the two of you were never very close. There will always be people who don't like you. You can't be everybody's friend. The others will accept you. Give them a chance and they'll even be your friends."

"Oh really? What makes you so sure they'll forgive me?" laughed Harry bitterly.

"They forgave Severus." Dumbledore said calmly. "Why wouldn't they do the same for you?"

Harry stared at the headmaster.

"Snape's everybody's hero. Of course they'd forgive him after what he's done to redeem himself."

"They forgave him long before that, Harry." Dumbledore said earnestly. "It was hard for him to accept it though." he smiled. "The rest of the world forgave Severus long before he forgave himself. You ought to talk to him, Harry. If anyone can give you advice on how to handle your memories, it's Severus."

"Oh really? You think he knows how I feel?"

"You think he never wanted to die?" Dumbledore shot back imitating his challenging tone. "You have no idea what I've been through with Severus. He's alright now, but it took us a very long time to get there. He can help you to find that way too. Please Harry, I mean it. Talk to Severus. Tell him how you feel. He will help you."

Harry sighed. Talk to Severus Snape about his feelings? About all the things he'd done? About the mistakes he made? About Azkaban? About trying to kill himself? Severus Snape of all people? Severus who was so strong? Who'd risked his life to make up for his mistakes while Harry had run away from them? Severus Snape the great hero? No impossible. He couldn't even look Snape in the eyes after all that he'd done. At least he didn't know about his attempt to flee from life as a whole. Or did he?

"You didn't tell them what I did, did you? You didn't tell them that I ... that I ..." Harry couldn't go on. He couldn't say it.

"That you tried to kill yourself?" Dumbledore finished for him.

Harry nodded unable to speak.

"Of course I did. They needed to know what had happened. Why I decided to get involved in your life again all of a sudden. And they needed to know if they were going to help you deal with it. They are your friends, Harry. Most of them were close to you once."

'Too close.' thought Harry, but he decided not to say so. Dumbledore wouldn't accept it.

"I wish you hadn't. I don't wish to talk about these things. Not to them and not to you either. It's my problem and I'll deal with it as I see fit."

'Stay out of my life.' he thought. 'It's hard enough to try and not think about it without you constantly reminding me.'

"Very well." said Dumbledore.' "If that's how you want it. Here are your keys. You know where your room and office are. I could try to explain your duties to you, but I suggest you ask your friend Dobby about that. He was Argus' assistant during the last five years and knows his stuff way better than I do. Actually the house elves all know their jobs pretty well and hardly need any supervision at all. So I suggest you start by reading the students' files and talk to Dobby about the rest. If you have any further questions after that do not hesitate to come to me. In fact do not hesitate to come to me, if you don't have any questions. I'd love to just sit down and chat with you whenever you feel like it."

Harry took the offered keys and headed for the door. He was grateful to be able to leave. Come back to chat? No, thank you.

"Thank you, headmaster. I'm sure I'll find my way around."

"And Harry!"

Harry turned around and looked back at the headmaster in surprise.

"Please, call me Albus. All the staff do. We're a big family here, you know." Dumbledore smiled encouragingly at him.

"Yes, Sir. I'll try." answered Harry and slipped out the door as fast as he could.

The moment Harry stepped out something white dashed towards him, stopped short at the sight of his clothes once again and then quickly climbed up onto his shoulder.

"Hi, Twichy." Harry wasn't even startled by the ferret's sudden appearance anymore. "Where were you? I thought you'd left me."

Twichy tickled Harry's left ear. Then raced over to the right shoulder. Harry made a half hearted grab for him and was totally surprised to feel something soft and furry in his hand. He pulled Twichy away from him for a little inspection. The ferret was cute with his long quivering beard, twitching nose and gentle gray eyes.

Gray eyes? Weren't white ferrets supposed to have red eyes like white mice did? Obviously not. Harry smiled at his furry new friend.

"You're wondering why I'm not wearing robes like everybody else, aren't you? They'd be easier to climb. Well, you see, I don't have any robes and no money to buy any."

The ferret looked at him with such a sad expression, that it almost seemed he had understood and was feeling sorry for Harry.

"That's okay little friend. I'll buy some once I get my first pay. Then you can climb me up and down as much as you want. ... Though you'll probably do that anyway."

Was it Harry's imagination or had the ferret just nodded?

"You know something? I've got house elves to work for me." he went on gently stroking the soft white fur. "And I was wondering how I was supposed to keep the entire castle clean all by myself"

Twichy seemed to roll his eyes as if to say: 'Of course you do. I knew that. Didn't you?'

"Honest, I had no idea. I never did think much about Filch and his job." he sat the ferret back onto his shoulder. "Come on, let's explore my new room together."

He walked down to where Filch had had his office and entered a little shyly even though he knew that there would be noone inside. The room still looked just the same as Harry remembered it. He'd have to get rid of the manacles first thing tomorrow morning. All the dusty files were still there as well. Harry decided that he only needed to read and keep those of the pupils currently still at Hogwarts. Maybe he could find an empty classroom to store those that were of no use to him.

He quickly walked through the office and into the room behind it. It was sparsely furnished and looked empty and unused. Well, what had he expected? Filch had of course taken all his stuff with him when he'd moved out.

Twichy leaped off his shoulder onto the bed and watched curiously as Harry unpacked his few belongings. It took less than five minutes.

Harry wondered if the ferret and Filch had been friends. It didn't seem likely remembering Mrs Norris and the speed with which her sharp claws shout out at anything small and twitchy.

"Does it still smell of cat in here?" he asked the ferret. "Don't worry I haven't got any nasty pet to chase you about. I used to have an owl, but I don't know what became of her when I was arrested. She probably wouldn't remember me anyway. It's been nearly ten years."

Twichy looked at Harry with sympathy and Harry sat down on the bed beside him. Twichy immediately jumped into his lap.

"I don't like to talk about these things, you know, but I have disappointed them all. All those huge humans running around in long robes for you to climb." he said softly. "They must all hate me now, but some also feel sorry for me. That's why I'm here. Because Albus Dumbledore feels sorry for me. ... He says he wants me to come and talk to him about my problems. As if I could just go and tell him that I don't want to be here and would much prefer to be dead."

The ferret gave an alarmed squeak. Harry started. Had he squeezed some delicate body part to tightly. He picked Twichy up and examined him carefully. The ferret squirmed, slipped out of his hand and retreated to his shoulder once more where he proceeded to tickle his ear.

"Are you okay, Twichy? I didn't mean to hurt you. I just don't know how to correctly handle a ferret. I've never met one before."

But Twichy seemed just fine. He kept racing around Harry happily tickling him here and there and making him laugh. That felt good. Harry hadn't laughed in a long time. Too bad Twichy didn't belong to him. He was really making him feel better. Maybe he ought to buy himself a pet before he went to buy robes? Something small and cuddly just like Twichy? It would be nice to have a companion of his own when Twichy got found and dragged back home by his owner. Was that why Filch had kept that annoying cat around? Because he hadn't had any other friends? Harry was beginning to feel sorry for the former caretaker, but it was too late to make amends now.

The ferret stayed around until Harry started getting ready for bed. Then he suddenly jumped off the bed and disappeared into an air vent.

"Hey wait!" Harry called after him. "You can sleep here if you want to. I'll make you a nice bed in an open drawer or something."

But Twichy didn't seem to want to sleep in Harry's drawer. Either that or he was already out of earshot. He didn't come back.

So Harry climbed into bed feeling lonely once again and soon fell asleep. He'd have a lot to do in the morning. If only the whole staff didn't know about his suicide attempt. That was one thing he'd have liked to keep to himself.

 

In the next chapter: we talk to the muggle studies teacher, learn about the fate of most of the Weasleys and Dobby makes an appearance (How does he do it? I didn't plan to write him into this fic.).


	6. Fred

Chapter 6: Fred

 

When Harry came back to his office after an uncomfortable breakfast at the staff table the next morning he found Dobby sitting on his desk.

"Harry Potter, Sir!" the little house elf squealed and raced over to hug him. "Dobby is so happy to see Harry Potter Sir again!"

"You want to work with me, Dobby?" Harry asked slightly surprised even though he remembered the house elf's adoration for him.

"It is big honour for Dobby to work for Harry Potter Sir!" the elf confirmed. "Harry Potter Sir saved Dobby. Made Dobby free. Then Dobby get good job from Professor Dumbledore Sir. Dobby likes working at Hogwarts. And now Dobby can even work for Harry Potter Sir. Dobby owes it all to Harry Potter Sir. Harry Potter Sir is so kind to let Dobby work for Harry Potter Sir."

Harry had to smile at that. Good old Dobby. Maybe working at Hogwarts wouldn't be all that bad, if he managed to spend most of his time with pets and house elves. Harry got out a piece of parchment, a quill and some ink.

"Alright, then lets start with the daily schedule. What did Mr. Filch usually do first thing in the morning?"

"First thing in the morning Mr. Filch Sir get out of bed and go into bathroom." answered Dobby obediently.

"Okay, okay. I meant: What did he do after he'd gotten dressed?" Harry tried again.

"Mr. Filch Sir feed Mrs Norris, Harry Potter Sir. Mr. Filch Sir always feed Mrs Norris himself. Never let Dobby do it for him. Never."

"Okay and after that?" Harry sighed. This was going to take a while.

"Mr. Filch Sir go to great hall and have breakfast, Harry Potter Sir."

"And after breakfast?"

"After breakfast Mr. Filch Sir and house elves start work, Harry Potter Sir."

"Right!" said Harry triumphantly. "What did each of you start with?"

"That depend on what day it was Harry Potter Sir."

"Okay." another sigh. "Then tell me what you'd all do on a Monday."

It took Harry several hours just to write down a normal working schedule for Mondays. After that he decided that both he and Dobby deserved a break from the interrogation and went to explore the school. He knew large parts of the castle from his school days, but there were still lots of corridors and disused classrooms that he'd never bothered to explore back then. Now those were part of his duties as well and he felt that it was a good idea to take a first look around. Maybe something had fallen into disrepair over the summer or someplace had been forgotten by the house elves and needed cleaning. The later did seem very unlikely though.

Harry chose a corridor he had never been in and walked from door to door opening every one and inspecting the rooms behind them. All were in perfect order and rather boring. Still Harry walked on checking door after door. Finally he came upon one that was standing slightly ajar. Maybe the lock needed fixing? Harry headed straight for that door. Coming closer he heard someone softly humming behind it. A house elf at work?

Harry walked in to investigate and found to his surprise that the room was obviously still in use. It looked curiously like an ordinary muggle classroom. There were several pictures of muggles at work and others of muggle items like cars and TVs. For a moment Harry stared at the non-moving pictures. What were they doing at a place like Hogwarts? Then it dawned on him. This had to be the classroom for muggle studies!

Having grown up among muggles himself he had never taken the subject and never bothered to find out where the class was held. Now it was important information. Harry quietly congratulated himself on his discovery. Not bad for the first day.

The humming was explained as well. Fred Weasley was sitting at the teacher's desk in the front of the room and looking up at Harry in surprise. He had obviously been humming to himself while grading homework essays.

"Oh, hi Harry! Come in for a cup of tea?" Fred smiled at him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to burst in like that. I'm just checking out the rooms. Need any repairs around here?" Harry offered hoping that Fred wouldn't be angry about the sudden interruption.

"No, everything's in fine working order, but lets go into my office so we can talk more comfortably." he walked into the office without waiting for Harry's answer.

Harry followed him a little self consciously. Fred's office was small, but very nice and Harry soon relaxed a little after Fred had pushed a cup of tea into his hand and made him sit in a comfortable armchair by the fireplace.

"It's been a very long time since I last saw you." Fred remarked casually. "Albus told me you've been travelling a lot, seen almost all of the world."

"Yes, I got around quite a bit. Mostly in the muggle world though. After all that had happened I felt more comfortable among muggles."

"You'll have to come to my class sometime and tell the children about your adventures. I've never really been to the muggle world, as you know, even though I share my Dad's fascination with the subject. I don't really know why Albus didn't give my job to someone from a muggle family. They'd be a lot more qualified." Fred smiled. "But you never can guess what Albus is thinking."

"How did you end up becoming a teacher anyway? What happened to your joke shop?" Harry asked hoping that he didn't touch on any bad memories there.

He didn't want to talk about himself. Especially not now that he knew that Albus had told everybody about his suicide attempt. Fred might try and get him to talk about it and that was really the last thing he wanted to do.

"Well, the joke shop." Fred sighed.

Obviously it was a touchy subject. Harry mentally kicked himself. He should have asked about Fred's family instead. He was curious to find out what had become of Ron and there were a lot of other brothers to talk about as well. Why did he have to inquire about the joke shop?

"It's still there, but I sold most of it to a friend. You remember Lee Jordan?"

Harry nodded. Right, Lee, the Weasley twins' best friend. Lee had always been the commentator for the Quiddich games, while he had still been in school. How could he forget Lee?

"I still own a part of it, but I never go back there. Everything there reminds me of George. Fred said staring into the fire.

"What happened to George? Was he killed in the battle?" Harry asked softly.

He felt that he had to know even though he wasn't sure he wanted to.

"Not quite. George ... we came upon that death eater attack on a muggle village that day. It was pure coincidence. We were just passing through. There were some other wizards with us and only three death eaters that we could see so we stepped in to help those poor muggles. And then we recognised Percy. George ran over to talk to him. I think he thought he could convince him to come back to our side. He never did give up on him completely. I think he almost reached him. Percy hesitated when the other death eaters started to retreat. I held our friends back from attacking him. I really thought he'd surrender. Then suddenly a fourth death eater appeared somewhere behind them and used the killing curse on George. I don't think he ever really noticed. It all went much too fast." Fred said staring intently into the flames and clutching his cup tightly.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Harry mumbled.

He wanted to kick himself. Why had he asked that question? He'd known that something had to be wrong. He'd had enough warnings. Fred was being nice to him and he was making him relive painful memories.

"So what's the rest of your family doing these days?" he asked hoping for better news to cheer both of them up.

There had to be a lot of little Weasleys running around by now. He just needed a way to get Fred to talk about nieces and nephews.

"Well, Percy ran away that day and ended up in Azkaban in the end. You didn't meet him there?"

"No. They kept us pretty isolated and I never was put with those that were captured after the battle at Hogwarts. They were in maximum security, I think." Now Harry was staring into the fire unable to meet Fred's eyes.

"Dad retired two years ago. He and Mum are still living happily at the burrow. Bill ... Bill fell at Hogwarts. We're real proud of him, though. I don't think you ever saw his children?"

Harry shook his head. He was feeling guilty again. Two Weasleys died heroically in the war. He hated to think about it.

"He and Susan had two kids. Twins." he smiled slightly. "Girls though. They moved into the burrow with Mum and Dad after Bill died. The kids are too young to really remember him, but they're very proud of their Dad the hero. Charlie as you know's teaching care for magical creatures. He just loves all those dangerous beasts and the children love him. I just don't understand why he doesn't want to have a family of his own. ... Well, I guess he just hasn't met the right woman yet."

"What about you?" Harry asked seeing a chance to get to a more comfortable topic. "Do you have a girlfriend or fiancee?"

"I had a girlfriend for a while, but she met some rich muggle and left me for him. But don't worry about me." he said laughing. "I'll find another. The girls just love red hair."

Harry tried to laugh too, but he only managed a weak smile.

"I guess you're single too then, Harry?"

He nodded.

"No problem. We can go out looking together. Bet you'll find someone even faster than I do. You're famous Harry Potter after all."

"Not exactly famous for good things. I doubt that many witches would want anything to do wit me at all."

"Oh, I wouldn't be too sure about that. Ginny's still available too, if you're interested. She always did like you a lot. You might have real good chances there."

"I don't know. Not that Ginny isn't pretty and all, but I never could see her as anything, but Ron's little sister. I saw her at the head table but didn't get to talk to her yet. What's she been doing all this time?"

"Oh, she was here during the big battle as well. Wanted desperately to fight, but Dad and Ron wouldn't let her so Dumbledore assigned her to the group that was watching the kids. She helped care for the wounded afterwards. Stayed longer then everybody else after the cleanup. Then Dumbledore offered her the job of charms teacher once things had calmed down and she accepted and has been here ever since."

"Charms? What happened to Flitwick?"

"Fell in the battle. He was one of those that died when the north tower collapsed I think. Couldn't dig him out in time."

They both stared into the fire silently for a few minutes after that. Only the crackling and hissing of the flames could be heard.

Harry tried not to think of the little Professor who had sacrificed his life in the battle against Voldemort. Yet another hero. Everybody seemed to be a hero around here. Most likely even his house elves had taken some part in the great battle. Everybody here seemed to be a hero in some way. Everybody except Harry. He felt like he just didn't fit in.

Finally sounds of voices drifted in from the classroom and broke the silence. Fred glanced at his watch and jumped up.

"Oh my, almost time for my next lesson. I'd better go out there and watch the kids. Some of my muggle items are really hard to replace if anything happens to them. It was nice talking to you, Harry. Come and see me again sometime soon."

Harry walked back out through the classroom and felt the kids' curious stares on him. He really ought to get some robes to wear. Those muggle clothes made him stand out too much here at Hogwarts.

Harry resumed his exploration of the muggle studies corridor and tried not to think too much about what Fred had and hadn't told him. He hadn't mentioned Ron at all. Why not? Deliberately? An oversight? Didn't get around to it? Thought that he knew?

Harry was feeling slightly worried. What had become of his once best friend? Had Ron too fallen in the battle? Or hadn't Fred wanted to tell him that Ron wanted nothing to do with him anymore? But Harry already knew that. Ron had been very clear about it the last time they'd met right after his arrest.

He went on exploring trying to keep his mind off of Ron until lunchtime. Another meal with all his former friends and enemies. At least Lavender hadn't shown up again since the sorting. Maybe he could leave all the work in the divination tower to the house elves? Harry sighed and slipped into the great hall trying to be as inconspicuous as possible.

 

In the next chapter: we get some answers to our most pressing questions, take a walk on the grounds and watch a flying lesson.


	7. Cho

Chapter 7: Cho

 

Again the meal went better than expected. Neville, Charlie and Fred were still trying to be nice to Harry and attempted to draw him into their conversation. It might actually have been nice if Harry hadn't been so out of touch with the wizarding world. Again and again he found himself wondering about events and people the others were talking about. He didn't want to ask too many questions even though they were willing enough to answer them. It would have held up their conversation too much.

After the meal Harry went to find Dobby and they set to work on the schedule for Tuesdays. By the time they were finally done with that Harry knew how often and when Mr. Filch had gone to the toilet, how long he had slept and how many pairs of shoes he owned.

After all this useful information Harry felt like he needed another brake and told Dobby that they'd continue the schedules the next morning.

Once the house elf had left Harry leaned back and relaxed in his chair for a while. Dobby was probably the only real friend he had in the castle, but trying to get any specific information out of him was tedious indeed. Now, what could he do with the rest of the day?

Harry decided to return to his exploration of the castle, but it soon got boring. The elves seemed to have kept everything in perfect order. Looking out through the windows he could see that it was a perfect day. The sun was shining onto the Quiddich field. There wouldn't be many days like this left before the winter. Soon the autumn storms would set in and blow away the last remains of the summer.

Harry decided to take a walk on the grounds outside. It was too beautiful a day to waste. During the five years he'd spent in Azkaban he'd never had the luxury of going outside and enjoying the sun and ever since he'd gotten out he had felt a need to make up for that. He just couldn't get enough fresh air and sunlight.

'Maybe gamekeeper would have been a better job for me than caretaker?' he thought. Then he would have been able to keep to himself most of the time living in that small hut that had once been Hagrid's and staying out of people's way. Of course that was the very reason Dumbledore had given him the job he had. So he would be among people who could keep an eye on him just in case he tried to kill himself again.

He walked along the side of the lake for a while thinking how much better this was than his stuffy cell in Azkaban. He hadn't had to deal with the Dementors luckily as they'd gone over to Voldemort's side two years before he'd been arrested, but still it had been depressing to be locked up in a small room with no sunlight.

Every step on the way brought up memories of his childhood and friends. All the happy times they'd spent here, all the adventures they'd had. But that had been a long time ago. He no longer had any friends to share adventures with and he didn't really want to have any adventures anymore either. The things he'd gone through had been enough. More than enough. He could have done without the experience of Azkaban.

His legs were carrying him away from the lake, but he hardly noticed. For a time he wandered around aimlessly lost in his memories.

His mind returned to the present when he more by coincidence than by any conscious design arrived at the Quiddich field. There were people flying out there. Curiously Harry strolled over to watch.

It wasn't a Quiddich practice, he soon noticed. There were too many people there and they seemed to be flying in formations. Coming even closer he recognised Cho Chang on her broom shouting instructions.

This had to be a flying lesson. And Cho was obviously the new flying teacher and Quiddich reverie. Well, he could have guessed. Cho had never been the academic type, but had always been a great Quiddich player. What else would she teach?

He stopped at the side of the field and watched the lesson. Cho seemed to be a good teacher. Her pupils were flying their manoeuvres exactly and with skill. Some of them seemed to be excellent flyers. The competition for the places on the Quiddich teams had to be tough despite the low number of students at the school at the moment.

Harry continued to watch trying to imagine what the games must be like. He remembered his own games back in school, his dreams of becoming a professional Quiddich player and winning the World Cup for England. He'd had a real chance to do it. He had the talent and some professional teams had already shown an interest in him during his sixth year at Hogwarts. But he had foolishly thrown all that away and ended up in Azkaban instead. If only he had stayed in school and continued to play. He might be the one shouting out the instructions to those pupils today if he had. Or he might be the hero they were trying to imitate. He might be the man who had won the World Quiddich Cup for England. Instead he was the lowly caretaker. An ex convict nobody wanted anything to do with, here because Dumbledore felt sorry for him.

Harry sighed watching Cho glide about gracefully without even trying. Her attention was focused on the pupils and she was steering her broom with hardly a thought. He once could have flown like that as well, but now he doubted he'd be up to it. He hadn't been on a broom in nearly ten years.

Cho still was very beautiful the way she glided through the air swooping here and there to offer advice to different pupils. Harry remembered how he had loved her back in his fifth and sixth years of school. She had been his first love and the only steady girlfriend he'd ever had. There had been another girl after he'd broken off school, but it hadn't gone further than a few talks and invitations for dinner. Then he'd been arrested, put on trial, sent to Azkaban and had never heard from her again. He hardly remembered her name at all. Maybe he'd only gone out with her at all to take his mind of the memory of Cho?

Cho and her pupils were starting to land. All of them swooping down gracefully. Harry wondered if he would have been able to teach them this well.

He walked over to where they were landing not really sure why he was doing so. He wanted to be there, see them land.

The pupils cast uneasy glances at him as they dismounted their brooms and carried them away towards the shed. They were probably wondering what they'd done wrong that the caretaker would come out to supervise them. Or were they feeling uneasy because they knew he'd been in Azkaban?

Cho remained standing in the exact spot she'd landed looking at Harry through narrowed eyes.

"That's a fine class of flyers, Cho. You've really taught them well. Congratulations." Harry called out to her smiling.

Cho stared at him angrily.

"What exactly are you trying to say?" she demanded.

"Nothing. I just happened to come by and notice how well your pupils fly. I thought I ought to mention it to you as I'm sure you've worked hard to teach them so well."

"I do not need your comments on my pupils. I know very well what their strengths and weaknesses are." Cho picked up her broom and turned away from Harry heading for the broom shed.

"I wasn't giving you advice. Can't you take a compliment?" Harry ran after her. This wasn't going the way he'd wanted it to. A voice somewhere in the back of his mind told him to leave it be. Cho was obviously not in the mood to talk to him, but something made him follow her nevertheless. Could it be that he was still in love with her after all that had happened?

"I do not need any compliments from the likes of you." Cho hissed.

Harry held open the door of the broom shed for her. She glared at him as she walked in. Some of the pupils were still inside chatting. They fell silent immediately when Harry and Cho entered. Sensing the tension between them the children hurried out leaving them alone together.

Cho carefully stored away her broom, then turned to check the school brooms for any damage. Most of the children had used their own brooms during the lesson, but a few had borrowed those of the school and Cho made a point of always checking them out afterwards.

Harry watched her with an uneasy feeling. How he'd love to help her with the brooms. It had been so long since he'd last flown. But he didn't dare get in Cho's way, not the way she was looking at him now. Maybe he ought to leave? Come back to talk to her at some more opportune time? But he knew that he'd never get a better chance than he had right now. They were alone in the shed. Nobody around to disturb them. The fact that Cho had put her own broom away indicated that she didn't have another class right now so no pupils would come in and disturb them. She had time to listen to him now. If only he knew what best to say.

"Listen Cho, all I'm trying to do is be nice to an old friend I haven't seen in a long time. I'm not trying to go back to being lovers. Can't we just be friends again?" he suggested in what he hoped to be a reasonable tone, but feared sounded more like begging.

'Well, that's exactly what I'm doing.' he thought. 'I'm begging her to be my friend again. Please Cho, give in.'

Cho whirled around to face him.

"Be friends? I am not and never was friends with you, death eater!" she shouted.

Harry flinched. That was the worst thing she could have said. Cho brushed past him nearly ran out the door and towards the castle. Harry rushed after her.

"Ex death eater, Cho." he clarified. "I'd never go back to that. Come on, you know me, Cho. I was only sixteen when I made that choice. I was a child, Cho and I made a terrible mistake. You know that I never did kill anyone. I surrendered to those aurors even though I could have gotten away. I surrendered because I'd realised my mistake and wanted to come back to the light side."

"As if that made a difference." Cho spat glancing back at him over her shoulder. "You betrayed all of us when you joined Voldemort. We all believed in you. We thought you were a hero. He killed your parents and you just shrug and go help him!"

"I told you I was only a child. He made me believe that there was no other way out, no other chance to survive. I just wanted to live, Cho. I never really did believe in him."

"That doesn't change any of what you've done in his service. You're proud you didn't kill anyone? Well, what about all those people you betrayed? What about those you tortured? Those you captured for others to kill? You want to deny your responsibility for their deaths? You're just as bad as any other death eater. That mark on your arm will never go away. It marks you for what you've done, for what you are. A death eater. There's no denying that."

"I've paid for my crimes, Cho. I spent five long horrible years in Azkaban to make up for the things I did. I went there voluntarily to atone for my crimes. Don't you think I hate that disfiguring mark on my arm as much as you do? I thought I didn't have a choice back then, Cho. I was just a child that couldn't see any other way out. I didn't mean to do all those horrible things."

They had reached the castle. Cho hurried up the stairs towards the portal Harry close behind her nearly running to keep up. Cho reached out a hand to open the door and somehow Harry knew that the moment she walked through that door he'd have lost her forever. He grabbed her shoulder, turned her around to face him.

"Please Cho, forgive me." he croaked out fighting down tears of despair. If only she said yes. If only she'd give him a chance, but he knew that she wouldn't. He shouldn't hope for her to say yes. He should let her go and return to the muggle world where he belonged, where nobody knew what he was, where nobody knew what he'd done.

"Please, Cho." he felt a tear run down his cheek.

Cho Chang flinched away from his touch. She tried to wriggle out of his grasp, but in his fear of losing her he was holding her painfully tight. With one sudden movement she pushed with both hands against his chest as hard as she could and shoved him backwards braking his hold and throwing him off the step.

Harry tumbled down the steps too shocked to feel anything when he scraped his arms and legs on the hard stone of the stairs and finally landed hard on the gravel path that led towards the portal. He heard the door open and close and knew that Cho was gone, that she would never forgive him and that he deserved it. Why had he even attempted to talk to her? He didn't have the right, didn't have the right to talk to anyone here. He should never have come.

He remained lying there unable to find the will to move. Why had Dumbledore hired him? Why had those muggles saved him after he'd cut his wrists? Couldn't they see that the only way out for him was death?

 

In the next chapter: we find out what happened to Ron, somebody picks up Harry and he drinks some more tea.


	8. Ginny

Chapter 8: Ginny

 

Harry heard the door open again. Hurried footsteps.

"Harry!" a woman's voice. "Are you alright Harry?"

For one tiny moment he dared to hope that Cho had come back, but that wasn't her voice. It sounded much softer and kinder. She knelt down beside him one hand gently touching his shoulder.

Harry looked up. A pretty young face surrounded by long slightly curled red hair looked down at him.

"Ginny." he said in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"I was just coming down the stairs when I saw Cho come in and slam the door behind her. She looked so angry I decided to take a look outside and see what had happened. ... Oh no! You're bleeding! Here let me help you up." Ginny held out her hand to him.

Harry took it and climbed to his feet. His right knee hurt. He must have skinned it when he'd landed on the gravel. Both his hands were bloody as he'd tried to stop his fall with his palms and there were also some ugly scratches on his arms. His clothes were dirty and torn.

"Oh great. That was my better pair of trousers." he moaned.

Ginny smiled at him.

"If that's your worst worry at least you can't be hurt all that badly. What happened to you?"

"Cho." Harry said pretending to be busy examining his bleeding knee through a hole in his trousers. He didn't want to look Ginny in the eyes. Why was she so kind to him? He didn't deserve it. Cho had made that very clear.

"Cho? What did she do to you? Tell me!"

"It was my fault. I shouldn't have bothered her. She made it quite clear she didn't want to talk to me, but I just couldn't leave her alone. She ran off. I tried to hold her back. She shoved me and I fell down the stairs."

"Oh that bitch. Poor Harry. Come on in, I've got some good salve in my room. That will make it all better." Ginny said as if talking to a hurt child.

Somewhere deep inside Harry had to smile. She'd probably learned that tone from her mother. Or did she often get injured children in class? But Fred had said she was teaching charms. That wasn't dangerous. Maybe Ginny made a habit of picking up Cho's casualties?

"It's okay. I'm not really hurt at all. I'll be alright." he assured her.

"Nonsense. I can see that you're bleeding." Ginny insisted grabbing his arm and pulling him towards the school.

"It's not that bad. I can take care of a few scratches myself." he protested.

"And it will be a lot easier if I help you. It wont take five minutes and you'll feel a lot better afterwards. You'll see. And I can also fix your clothes for you. I'm good at sewing."

Ginny didn't let go and Harry had to accept being dragged off into her office. It looked quite different from how Harry remembered it from Flitwick's time. It reminded him of Fred's office, but there were several small decorative items that showed that this was a woman's realm. Everything looked neat and comfortable.

Ginny made Harry sit down in a very comfortable armchair just like Fred's and disappeared into her room for a moment. She returned with the salve, a towel and a bowel filled with warm water. Harry had to take off his shirt and Ginny started washing his scratched arms and torn up hands.

"I thought Fred said you were the charms teacher not the school nurse." he commented when Ginny doted over a particularly dirty scratch.

"Yes, I'm the charms teacher, but I know enough about medicine to tell you that a dirty wound runs the risk of infection. Now hold still so I can clean it!" Ginny retorted.

"A dirty wound? That's just a little scratch not a mayor wound. It'll heal on it's own. Really. Just leave it alone."

"Any wound can become infected, if it isn't cleaned out properly. It doesn't make a difference how big or deep it is. There, that's cleaned. Now show me your other arm!"

Harry sighed and held out his other arm for her inspection.

"Oh no! There's another deep one!" exclaimed Ginny already wetting her towel once again. "Oh, that Cho. When I get a hold of her, I'll ... I'll ... I'll ..."

"It's not Cho's fault." declared Harry. "She has every right to hate me after what I've done. I shouldn't have bothered her. Serves me right."

"Oh no, it doesn't. She should at least be so polite to listen to what you have to say. She can't just go about shoving people down stairs, because she's in a bad mood today."

"She didn't shove me because she was in a bad mood. I was bothering her. She told me she wanted nothing to do with a death eater, ex or not. I should have heeded her warning and left her alone."

"She has no right to call you a death eater. There aren't any death eaters anymore. Voldemort is dead and all the surviving death eaters are in Azkaban for the rest of their lives. They wouldn't have let you out if you were still one of them."

But Harry saw how Ginny flinched when she noticed that she was washing the dark mark on his arm. The mark that would be there for the rest of his life. The mark of a death eater. The mark of evil.

Harry kept staring down at the tattoo until Ginny stood up and ordered him to take off his trousers.

"What?!" he exclaimed in shock.

"Take off your trousers!" Ginny repeated. "You can't expect me to clean that knee of yours through the hole. And how am I supposed to sew them with you inside?"

"I can really take care of all that on my own." he protested blushing.

"Oh sure, just like you told me not to clean that scratch on your arm? No way. I'm treating those wounds for you. I can't imagine how you managed to survive in the muggle world all on your own for so long."

"They aren't wounds." Harry insisted. "They're just scratches."

"Very well, scratches. I'm treating those scratches. Now take off your trousers!"

Blushing even more Harry obeyed. He surrendered his trousers to Ginny and sat back down arms crossed in his lap to hide his boxers from her view as best he could.

Ginny however didn't appear the slightest bit interested in his underwear which was a relief. She immediately set to work on the scratches on his legs.

"Oh dear! Look at your poor knee. It's all bloody. Really, how could she. I'll teach Cho to push innocent people off stairs."

"I'm not innocent." Harry commented. "I was a death eater. See that mark on my arm? It says death eater. I'm a death eater."

"You're not." said Ginny not looking up from her work.

"Yes, I am. This tattoo says so." Harry nearly shouted.

Ginny was done with cleaning his legs and stood up to take the salve. She grabbed it, unscrewed the lid, dipped her finger in.

"That tattoo says nothing." she began applying the salve to his scratches.

"Yes, it does. It marks me as a death eater and it will do so for the rest of my life."

"So everybody who has that tattoo is a death eater?" Ginny asked still busy with the scratches and the salve, still not looking at him.

Harry wondered what she was thinking. Where was she going to take her argument?

"Yes, of course. That's what it means. That's what it's here for. It's a fact. Every child knows that." How could she argue against that?

"Hm... So what about Severus? Is he a death eater?"

"Snape?" Harry asked confused.

"Yes, Severus. Severus Snape. Is he a death eater?" she repeated shifting her attention to his other arm.

"Of course not! I thought he was instrumental in You-Know-Who's defeat? How could he be a death eater if he helped destroy them?"

"Actually he even had a hand in the spell that killed Voldemort. Albus could never have done it all on his own."

"See. Then how could he be a death eater?" asked Harry still confused.

"Because he too has the dark mark." she said pointing at the tattoo on his arm. "You said all who have it are death eaters. If that's true Severus is a death eater."

"All except for Snape." decided Harry. "Snape's special."

"So you're special too. You're not a death eater unless you want to be one, Harry. Now lets just wash your clothes and I'll make us some tea while we wait for them to dry."

"Wash them? How long do you expect me to sit around here in my underwear?"

"Until I've sewn your clothes." Ginny smiled.

"Well, can't you sew them without washing them first?"

"Of course not! I don't want to sew all the dirt in. Have a little patience. My drying charms work pretty fast."

Harry sighed. Obviously this was going to be the day he had tea with Weasleys. He hoped Charlie wouldn't come over to invite him for a cup as well.

Ginny's tea was very good though and she never did seem to notice that Harry was almost naked. She just kept on chatting naturally and Harry began to relax. Both her drying charms and her sewing were indeed very good and Harry was relieved to see that he would be able to wear his trousers a little while longer. That was necessary as he owned only two pairs and didn't have any money to buy new ones.

'I guess that must be how Ginny learned to sew that well. The Weasleys never did have any money left to buy extra clothes either if the old ones could still be mended.' He remembered how often Ron had complained about that. Ron. It had been a long time since he'd last seen his once best friend.

What would Ron think of him now? An ex death eater without a proper education who'd spent five years in Azkaban and didn't even have the money to buy a single pair of trousers.

But so far all the Weasleys had been very nice to him. Well, Percy had become a death eater and gone to Azkaban, too. Maybe that was why they were willing to give him a second chance. Because they wished that they could give one to Precy. And the Weasleys wouldn't mind that he was poor either. They were used to being poor themselves. Draco Malfoy had always made fun of them because of it.

Harry shuddered slightly at the thought of Malfoy. He'd better stay away from him. War hero or not, Harry had no doubt that Draco wasn't above teasing and sneering at an old enemy and if that enemy also happened to bear the dark mark ... No Harry didn't want to find out how Draco did react to his presence in the school. He'd been bad enough to Ron.

That reminded him of the worries he'd had this morning after talking to Fred. He decided to ask Ginny about Ron. If there were bad news it was better than to force Fred to tell him after he'd already told him about Bill, George and Percy.

"Oh Ginny, I've been wondering what became of Ron. Fred told me about the rest of your family, but somehow Ron never came up in the conversation. Where is he these days?" he looked up into her eyes hoping, praying that he wouldn't see tears forming there.

To his relieve Ginny smiled.

"Oh Ron's doing research for his studies somewhere in Egypt at the moment. We don't talk about him much because Mum and Dad are very angry with him for not taking a real job, as they say. That's probably why Fred didn't mention him."

"Studies? What kind of studies?" Harry asked intrigued.

"Oh about cultures. He's planning to write a book comparing the different lifestyles of wizards in different countries. He says he'll earn lots of money once the book is written, but at the moment he's just travelling all over the world spending the family's savings on bus tickets and hotels and not earning a single Knut. You can imagine why we aren't too happy with that."

"Well, I guess so." Harry replied, but thought that the Weasley's financial situation must have improved a lot to allow Ron such luxuries. It was good to know.

"Well, thanks for patching me and my clothes back up and for the tea as well.

"Any time, Harry, any time. That's what friends are for."

Harry walked back to his office with the hint of a smile on his face. At least somebody still wanted to be his friend despite all that he'd done.

 

In the next chapter: we meet one of Harry's oldest friends (now who could that be), someone named Blinky is mentioned, Twichy visits again and Peeves causes some trouble.


	9. Hermione

Chapter 9: Hermione

 

The next day Harry stayed mostly in his office and concentrated on interrogating Dobby. He soon learned the names of all the house elves though he so far didn't know the faces that went with them.

He had started a little file for each of them mainly stating their names duties and special talents according to Dobby. He'd decided to take everything Dobby told him with a grain of salt though as Dobby claimed that he himself was very good at solving problems. Remembering his second year at school Harry had good reasons to doubt that. When Dobby stated that Winky was very good at calming frightened children Harry found that quite plausible however and wrote it down into her file.

The schedules were progressing nicely as well as Harry was beginning to see a pattern now that he had three days fully worked out. He'd also learned to ask his questions more precisely and get Dobby to give him the answers he really wanted most of the time. Still it was tiring work to get useful information out of the house elf. Maybe Dumbledore had made him ask Dobby to keep him busy and his mind off of his past?

"Harry Potter Sir? Dobby has promised Winky to help watch Blinky after lunch. Can Dobby come back in the evening and answer questions, Harry Potter Sir?"

It took Harry a moment to figure out what the elf wanted.

"Sure. ... Wait a minute, Dobby! Who's Blinky? I don't think I've got a file on anyone named Blinky yet." Harry said searching through all the parchments scattered on his desk.

"Blinky daughter of Dobby and Winky. Blinky not know how to work yet. Blinky baby."

"You've got a little daughter Dobby?"

Dobby nodded proudly.

"Oh, that's wonderful. Congratulations Dobby. Of course, take the afternoon off to be with your family, by all means. It's really important that parents spend as much time with their children as possible."

Dobby smiled happily and hugged Harry.

"Oh, thank you, Harry Potter Sir, thank you, thank you, thank you. Harry Potter Sir is soooo good to Dobby. Dobby promises to work extra hard for Harry Potter Sir. Harry Potter Sir is soooo kind."

Once the hose elf had finally walked out still muttering praises Harry started sorting through the parchments on his desk. He pinned the schedules to the wall where he could always see them and then ordered the files on the house elves alphabetically. He had to leave them on his desk for the time being as he still hadn't removed the old files that were taking up all his boards.

He should have asked Dobby where he might store them before he'd let him go. Then he could have started moving them right now. Well, it would have to wait for another day.

Maybe he ought to resume his exploration of the castle? Or go down to the kitchen and get another house elf to help him with the schedules? Or maybe take a closer look at Filch's old files? He could start sorting out which ones he was going to move into storage and which ones he might still need around.

Something dropped out of an air vent and landed on his shoulder. Something white, furry and twitchy with gray eyes.

"Twichy!" That was how the ferret did it! He travelled through the air vents. No wonder he always showed up in closed rooms even though he was too small to be able to open doors.

Harry grabbed the little animal and cuddled him.

"Hello, Twichy. So nice of you to drop in. I love that soft fur of yours, you know."

Harry played with the ferret for a little while, then decided that it was time to do something productive once again and went to check Filch's old toolbox. Most of the tools were still in good condition, but a few needed replacing. Harry started sorting them out.

Twichy hopped onto the open lid of the toolbox and watched curiously. Harry soon found himself holding out every tool he checked to the ferret explaining it's use and why little ferrets had better stay away from some.

"This one is called a hammer, Twichy. It's very useful for all kinds of jobs. It's purpose is to drive nails into objects. Into walls to hang up pictures, into furniture to hold it together..."

Twichy stretched towards the hammer reaching out his front paws for it and sniffing at it. Harry lowered it into reach and watched the ferret's inspection.

"It's also very heavy and painful if it happens to land on a foot or tail. Little ferrets should better watch out around hammers." he advised Twichy.

Twichy twitched his little pink nose at him in response not looking worried at all. In this light he looked more blond than white, Harry noted. He was actually silver coloured not white as Harry had thought at first. That had to be why he had gray eyes instead of red ones. He wasn't an albino, just a very light colour. Maybe especially bred by some very clever owner of a pet shop? He was one very good looking ferret for sure.

Harry put down the hammer besides the other still functional tools and was about to pick up the next tool when he heard a knock on his door.

"Come in!" he called out wondering who besides Twichy and Dobby might want to visit him in his boring little office.

The door opened and Albus Dumbledore walked in.

"Headmaster?" Harry asked in surprise. "What brings you to my office?"

"Hello Harry. Already making yourself at home here? Very good. Ah, and Twichy. Feeling bored, my young friend?"

Harry stared at Twichy. He could almost have sworn that the ferret had just shaken his head in response to Dumbledore's question. But that couldn't be. Most likely there had been something tickling his ear that he'd been trying to shake off.

Twichy as usual didn't sit still for long. He raced up onto Harry's shoulder, by now so used to climbing his muggle clothes that he didn't even hesitate anymore. Dumbledore smiled at the ferret's antics.

"Twichy must really like you. He usually only gets this intimate with his close friends." the headmaster commented.

"Well, maybe it's the muggle clothes that he finds so interesting. What can I do for you headmaster?"

"First of all you can call me Albus. As I told you before all the staff do and I kind of like the name. Second, I fear that Peeves has gone on a rampage in the arithmancy classroom and as I see you've already got your tools out. I also suggest that you take a few house elves with you to help with the cleaning. The room really is a mess. I'll have to do something about that poltergeist someday." that last remark seemed to be more addressed to himself than to Harry.

Harry quickly threw those tools that he'd found to be in good working order back into their box, picked it up and hurried down into the kitchen.

Luckily all house elves except for Dobby and Winky were there at the moment as it was almost lunchtime and they were busy preparing the food.

Twichy jumped off Harry's shoulder which he'd ridden down there and went to inspect the pots. Harry noted with slight surprise that none of the house elves moved to hinder the ferret. Wasn't he in danger this close to boiling soup? Didn't they fear that he might steal the food?

Well, maybe the elves knew more about ferrets than he did. Maybe Twichy knew to avoid boiling water. And maybe the elves thought that it was okay if Twichy stole food as they thought it okay when the pupils stole food. They were probably happy to provide the ferret with an extra delicious meal.

Since Harry had no idea who was who he just shouted out the names of four house elves Dobby had repeatedly mentioned during his explanations as he assumed that they had to be among Filch's usual cleaning crew.

The four elves immediately hurried over to him beaming with pride at having been chosen for whatever job Harry was going to assign them. Harry had to admit that it was rather nice to have such an eager crew. He quickly explained the situation to them and found that he could barely keep up with the elves as they raced to grab brushes and buckets. As they raced out of the kitchen Harry felt the impact of something small against his arm and seconds later something was tickling his ear. Twichy had come back as unexpectedly as he'd jumped off.

Harry had never been in the arithmancy classroom before and didn't know what it usually looked like. The devastation left behind by Peeves didn't give him much of an idea either. On the first glance it seemed that nothing had remained whole. The furniture was reduced to splinters of wood, the books were lying about in ugly heaps along with some ripped out pages and everything was covered in something that looked almost like snow.

Harry bent down to investigate. Running his fingers over the floor he discovered that it felt more like powder than snow. He lifted his hand to take a closer look at it. Chalk! Peeves must have found the school's chalk supplies and crushed them over the remains of the classroom.

'Must have been the supplies for an entire year.' Harry thought standing up and taking another glance through the room. Hermione and several students he thought he remembered seeing at the Hufflepuff table during meals were trying to salvage whatever Peeves had left whole or only slightly harmed. Hufflepuffs? What were the Hufflepuffs doing in here?

Hermione threw her hands up in frustration and came over to his side.

"Oh Harry, so nice of you to come this quickly. As you can see this is a sort of emergency. I can't possibly teach in this room the way it looks now."

"This looks really bad." Harry admitted. "I fear it would take a miracle to get this cleaned up in time for the afternoon classes. I'm not even sure I can have it back to working condition by tomorrow."

Actually he didn't even know where to start. Everything looked totally beyond repair from what he'd seen so far.

"We've tried to use the Reparo charm on some of the furniture, but it didn't have much of an effect. I fear its too badly damaged. Anything you can do with that repair kit?" Hermione asked hopefully.

Harry picked up another splinter of wood and looked at it wondering what kind of object it had once been a part of. A chair? A table? Maybe even a piece of the blackboard? He shook his head.

"I can only help the house elves clean all of this out and bring in new furniture from one of the unused classrooms. Maybe it would even be a better idea if we just moved you into one of those. Then you could start teaching again right away."

Hermione nodded sadly.

"I kind of grew attached to this room over the years." she mumbled.

Harry remembered how she'd always, loved arithmancy back in their school days. He remembered their friendship, their many adventures together...

"Okay, just write me a list of what you want in here and we'll try to get this back into working condition in about a week. You can move back in here as soon as it's done and use the room next doors until then."

"Thank you, I'll do that." Hermione smiled at him shyly as if she wasn't sure how to talk to him.

"You know, back in school I always thought you'd someday follow in McGonagall's footsteps. You'd become transfigurations teacher and head of Gryffindor." he tried to start a conversation.

If he got her to talk to him normally, maybe they could be friends again. He wondered if she could ever forgive him for having been a death eater. Probably not, but she was making an effort and so would he.

"Arithmancy." Hermione smiled, but Harry could see that it was a forced smile. "Arithmancy and Hufflepuff."

"Hufflepuff?" Harry asked totally confused.

"Well, Michael is the only former Hufflepuff left in the school now and he wasn't qualified. So they offered the position to me. Seeing how Neville's still new and they wanted an experienced teacher." Hermione explained.

"You're the head of Hufflepuff? I always thought Ravenclaw would suit you much better."

"I didn't get to choose. Draco's been head of Ravenclaw for years and the kids just love him."

Twichy at the moment on Harry's right shoulder gave a sudden squeak. It sounded almost as if he was protesting against something. Maybe the chalk dust was tickling his nose.

"Hi, Twichy." Hermione continued. "No, Ravenclaw is in very good hands. Hufflepuff needed a new head so Hufflepuff was what I got."

"But Malfoy was in Slytherin!" protested Harry. "Cho was a Ravenclaw. Why didn't they give the job to Cho?"

"She declined. Doesn't want the responsibility. Draco's much more competent anyway and the kids are proud to have a Slytherin head. Cho didn't even fight in the war. She just holed herself up in her little out of the way house in the country and waited it out. Kids want their heads of house to be real war heroes these days, not just survivors."

Harry swallowed hard. The war. The war he'd picked the wrong side in. He'd betrayed them all. And obviously Hermione too had been one of the defenders of Hogwarts. Well, of course she had. She had always stood up for what was right as all Gryffindors had. All except for Harry. He stared at the dust covered floor unable to look her in the eyes. The silence grew. Neither of them knew what to say.

"Professor Weasley! Look at what he did to this poor book." a Hufflepuff prefect came rushing over presenting a badly mutilated book to Hermione.

Obviously Peeves hadn't just used the chalk to let it snow. He'd also tried to write with it. The book's cover was covered with obscenities.

"I'll have to talk to the headmaster. Something has to be done about the poltergeist." Hermione decided. "Nina, that book is ruined anyway. Please throw it away."

"Yes, Professor Weasley." the prefect answered.

"Proffessor WEASLEY?" Harry repeated not believing his ears.

Hermione shifted her weight from one foot to the other then back clearly feeling uncomfortable.

"Ron and I got married one year after we finished school. We really wanted to invite you to the wedding, but we just didn't want to wait that long. You now, with you being in Azkaban and ... well ... "

"That's okay. I understand." Harry said again staring at the floor.

So he had missed his two best friends' wedding. Well, he couldn't expect them to wait with their lives until he got out of prison. He was the one who had deserted them after all, not the other way round. He ought to say something more to Hermione. Show her that he wasn't angry, that he still was her friend. But there just wasn't anything he could think of to say and she didn't say anything either.

With a sigh Harry took up a brush and started cleaning away chalk dust. He was here to work and not to chat after all.

 

In the next chapter: we meet one of Harry's father's old friends, Harry has a problem with chairs and gets yet another invitation for tea.


	10. Remus

Chapter 10: Remus

 

Harry spent most of the afternoon looking for suitable new furniture for Hermione's classroom. Professor Hermione Weasley had very exact ideas what she wanted and the list she had handed him during lunch was very detailed.

Of course there was lots of unused furniture standing around in all the unused classrooms all over Hogwarts, but to find 20 exactly matching desks of one particular height proved to be almost impossible. In most of the old rooms several different types had been mixed, but Harry noticed that desks of the same kind could often be found in different rooms and after searching for several hours he managed to find the desks he needed.

Only the chairs didn't match. Where were the chairs that had originally gone with those desks? Harry didn't want to send out the house elves to help with the search as the four he had originally chosen were still busy cleaning Hermione's classroom and the others had to take over their usual duties as well. So he continued to search on his own.

By the time he reached the DADA corridor dragging along one chair under his arm to use for comparison as most of the chairs looked the same to him on first glance all he needed were two more chairs. It had to be possible to find two more chairs that exactly matched the one he had with him. It just had to.

He walked into the room next to the DADA teacher's quarters and froze in shock. The room was crammed full with desks and chairs stacked on top of each other and no two pieces seemed to match. Harry groaned. It would take him an entire day to dig through all of that. That was the moment he resolved to sort all the unused furniture out. He'd ask Dobby to help him. From now on all desks and chairs stored in the same room would have to match. He never wanted to have to trudge back and forth through the whole castle to find the right kind of chair again. Why oh why couldn't Filch have sorted them properly in the first place?

With one last heavy sigh Harry set to work pulling the first chair from the first stack out. No, it didn't match his chair. He carried it out into the hallway. Maybe he'd find some more chairs to match that one. He'd store them together if he did. He pulled out the next chair ....

CLATTER! That chair's foot had gotten caught on one of the neighbouring stacks and pulled it down after it. The stack had taken several others with it burying Harry under chairs.

Harry sighed once again. Surrounded and felled by chairs. Didn't that situation fit exactly the feeling he'd been getting all afternoon? He started to dig himself out and found to his surprise that he was getting help from the other end. Who would come here to help him? Nobody knew where he was. He pushed aside another chair and stuck his head out of the pile.

"Proffessor Lupin?"

"Ah, Harry, it's you. I should have guessed. Who else would be interested in this old storage room?" Lupin smiled at him. "And do call me Remus. You are no longer a pupil after all."

"How did you know I was in here?" Harry asked still slightly confused.

"I heard the crash. I was making myself a cup of tea in my office which as you know is just two doors over from here and heard all the noise when the chairs came down. I went to check what had happened and found you under this mountain of chairs. You probably should have taken one from one of the other classrooms where they aren't piled up to the ceiling. There is one right next doors."

"I know." grumbled Harry angrily. "But they aren't the right kind. Hermione wants them all to be exactly the same."

He looked around for his sample. Ah there it was. It had been covered in chairs too. He pulled it out.

"I need two more like this one. You wouldn't happen to have seen any somewhere around?" he asked Lupin.

"I never look at chairs that closely." Remus shrugged. "I'm quite satisfied if I have enough of them for all my pupils and I don't care what they look like. We could look in my classroom though. Maybe there are some there."

"But you'll need those." protested Harry.

"I'll trade them against two of these here." Lupin said pointing at the mountain of chairs as he'd called it. "As I said, I don't care what they look like. Matching chairs! Hermione must think you're bored to demand something like that. Come on, lets go to my office and I'll make some more tea for you and after that we can start looking for chairs. I wanted to talk to you anyway."

Harry grabbed his sample chair once again and trudged after Lupin into his office wondering why everybody was always offering him tea. Had somebody recently discovered some calming effect tea had on suicidal people? And why were they all trying to get involved in his life anyway? Why couldn't they just leave him alone with his guilt and misery?

Lupin's office was just as it had been when Harry had still been one of his students. Several cages with dark creatures lined the walls. There even was the old water tank that he had once used to show them a Grindylow during Harry's third year. And indeed there was the angry face of a captured Grindylow starring at them through the glass wall.

Lupin knocked against the glass casually when he passed the tank and the Grindylow turned away sulkily.

Lupin handed Harry a cup of tea and started making small talk. They talked about the weather, pupils, the monsters in their cages, ... Harry was getting more and more anxious. What did Lupin really want with him? Finally he could take it no longer.

"So why did you really ask me in here? You said you wanted to talk to me about something and I don't think it was the weather."

Remus got up and walked over to the window. It had been raining all day and it didn't look like it was going to stop soon. Harry watched Lupin's back as he stared out at the rain and mud he knew were the only thing to see out there today.

"Its about Sirius." he finally said. "I think you ought to talk to him."

"Why?" asked Harry surprised. "He didn't seem too eager to talk to me so far and I really don't want to force myself on anybody. I know I was a big disappointment to him, to all of you and I understand if some of you really don't want to talk to me ever again. Actually I'm surprised that some people still do talk to me."

"I admit that Sirius is very disappointed. You're right about that. But he also feels for you in a way. You are like a son to him Harry and he too spent time in Azkaban."

"He was innocent. I was not." Harry stared down at his arm where he knew that the dark mark was hidden beneath his shirt.

"Maybe so, but he was there and he remembers what it was like. He knows how you feel and it's tearing him up inside. Just go and talk to him. It will help you both, I think. Sirius really wants to forgive you, but you have to be the one to go to him and ask him to do it. He wont come to you."

"I don't know if I can." Harry said still staring at his arm. "I'm not sure it would be right for him to forgive me. There are things that shouldn't be forgiven, you know and this is one of those."

"Harry you came back to us. You went through Azkaban to be forgiven and now you just say 'It's not right. I shouldn't be forgiven.'? Don't you think it's up to us to decide what we want to forgive and what not? I think that Sirius will forgive you if you ask him to, that he really wants to forgive you. He just doesn't know it yet. You have to talk to him. I know it will help both of you if you can talk about it all."

"I only came back, because those aurors talked me into surrendering. I had the choice to either surrender to them or to kill somebody. It's not like I decided to come back on my own and walked into the ministry to ask them to forgive me. I'm not Snape, Professor Lupin. I'm no hero. I just surrendered because I was too scared to murder that man."

"The point is you did surrender. A real death eater would not have thought twice about committing murder. Actually I don't think a real death eater would have thought about it at all. You are not a killer, Harry. And that means that you are not and never were a death eater." Lupin said staring hard at Harry as if he was trying to hypnotise him. "And don't call me Professor. Call me Remus."

Maybe Lupin really was trying to hypnotise him. Harry didn't know and he didn't care either. He was still staring at his arm picturing the dark mark he knew was there. It said death eater, marked him as a criminal for everyone to see unless he kept it covered at all times which of course he did. Voldemort might be gone but people still remembered him well. They'd recognise his mark if they saw it and Harry didn't want to think about what their reaction might be.

"You were never in this situation. It's all very easy for you to say."

"No I wasn't. That's why I think you should talk to Sirius. Because he was. He knows what it's like and he'll be able to help you where I can't. I still want to be your friend, Harry. Give me a chance."

Harry looked up at him at that. Give him a chance? What did he mean? What chance? How should he do that? Harry couldn't have any friends. At least not in the wizarding world where everybody knew what he was and what he'd done. It just wasn't right. They couldn't accept him back. The way the children talked about the war and those who had fought in it they could never just forget what Harry had done.

'And they shouldn't either.' Harry thought bitterly. 'They have every right to hate me for what I am."

Lupin was silent now probably waiting for an answer from Harry. When none came he got up and took the empty cups away without a word.

"Well, come on. Lets find those two chairs to make Hermione happy." he said when he returned and found Harry still sitting there staring at his arm once again.

Harry again picked up his sample chair and they went to search Lupin's classroom. Indeed they soon found the chairs Harry needed and he dragged them back to Hermione's class happily. He put the chairs into one of the old unused rooms in the arithmancy corridor which he used to store Hermione's new furniture until they were ready to move it into her classroom.

Then he went to check on the house elves. They had made remarkable progress. Almost all the wood splinters and damaged books had been removed and they were almost ready to start with the actual cleaning.

"Very good." Harry told them. "If you go on like this we can start bringing in the furniture tomorrow evening."

"Has Harry Potter Sir found all the furniture Harry Potter Sir needs? House elves know good places with lots of furniture." One of them offered in return.

Harry smiled wishing he knew which one it was. He still hadn't had time to ask them for their names.

"Thank you, my friend, but I have everything we need now. Let me help you carry out the last of the larger pieces and we'll do the rest tomorrow."

"Harry Potter Sir does not have to help house elves, Harry Potter Sir. House elves can carry out large pieces all alone. House elves are strong, Harry Potter Sir. Harry Potter Sir doesn't need to work." they protested immediately.

"But I want to." Harry explained. "I've got nothing better to do and I want to make sure that you guys stop working before you drop. We don't have to have all of this done by tomorrow so I want you all to use the night to sleep. Is that clear?"

"House elves not that tired Harry Potter Sir. House elves can finish this easily." another elf protested.

"That's exactly what I mean. I'm here to see that you don't. I'm your boss and I'm ordering you to stop working once you're done clearing the debris out and go to bed. We will continue this tomorrow. On my order." Harry insisted sternly.

"Yes, Harry Potter Sir." the house elves chorused.

"Much better." Harry smiled and they set to work.

Harry needed to work to take his mind of Sirius. He just couldn't get Remus' words out of his head. Talk to Sirius. Talk to Sirius. ... He was just too scared to do that and he didn't want to think about it. If only that horrible voice somewhere in his head would shut up about it.

 

In the next chapter: we meet Sirius of course, Twichy makes another appearance and Harry is feeling very down again.


	11. Sirius

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N - So, this time we meet Sirius. I'm not sure you're expecting this to go like it does. To tell the truth I was slightly surprised at the way this chapter turned out myself.

Chapter 11: Sirius

 

Indeed their work progressed well the next day and to Harry's surprise they had the room cleaned before lunchtime. Only some insults that Peeves had scrawled onto the walls remained and they couldn't find a way to get them off. Harry finally decided to repaint the entire room. It was already empty anyway.

He did his best to remain busy and not think of Sirius, but somehow it just didn't work. Remus' words came back to him again and again. It got even worse once they were done painting and had to leave the room to dry. To keep his mind off his troubled thoughts Harry decided to carry the furniture in at once and just not push anything against the walls yet.

Hermione came by to check on their progress and seemed very impressed. To Harry's relieve she also gave her approval of the chairs he'd chosen. Well, except for the fact that one chair seemed a little wobbly to her and she insisted that it required repairs.

Harry didn't argue about that. It gave him something to do once they were done dragging the furniture in. He got out his toolbox, took the whole chair apart even though he had to admit himself that that wasn't really necessary and nailed it back together. After that the chair was as good as new and Harry's thoughts drifted back to Sirius again.

Harry had watched Sirius during the meals that day and noticed how he avoided to even look at him. That hurt despite everything. Sirius was the closest thing to a father Harry had ever known and it hurt that he wouldn't acknowledge him.

Harry decided to return to his interrogation of Dobby, but for some reason that seemed to go a lot faster this time and require a lot less concentration. Again and again Harry's thoughts drifted back to Sirius.

An hour before dinner Harry had to let Dobby go to help in the kitchens. Then he had nothing to distract him anymore. What should he do?

He could continue his exploration of the castle, but that gave him lots of time to think. And time to think was just what he didn't want. He could start sorting out the furniture as he'd planed, but somehow he didn't feel like leaving the safety of his office. What if he met Sirius in the halls? How should he react? What would happen if Sirius ever required his assistance?

Harry sighed. Sirius would probably do what Hermione had. Go to Dumbledore with the problem. At least Harry supposed that that was what Hermione must have done. It was the only explanation why Dumbledore had been the one to come to his office to inform him about the chaos in the arithmancy room.

'Hermione doesn't like me anymore either.' Harry concluded and wondered slightly why this surprised him. How could anyone like him after what he'd done? What was it about those Weasleys? They didn't even seem to mind. Well, they did have to deal with what had become of their brother Percy. But why weren't they angry with Harry rather than welcoming? Shouldn't it hurt them that Harry had gotten away with only five years in Azkaban while Percy would spend the rest of his life there?

Sirius and Hermione and Cho and Lavender were right. They knew what Harry was and how he deserved to be treated for it. ...

Hermione had tried to be nice though. Harry wondered why. Perfect Hermione. How had she always known what was the right thing to do? Harry was convinced that she too had been a hero in the battle at Hogwarts even though nobody had mentioned it. Hermione always did the right thing at the right time. Harry however ...

Harry was just another fool who'd fallen into Voldemort's trap. Or was it really Voldemort's fault? Harry had known exactly what Voldemort was. He had known what the right decision was, but he hadn't made it. He had chosen to side with Voldemort and his evil. It was his own fault and only his. He deserved to be punished for what he'd done. He didn't deserve to be allowed back into Hogwarts, allowed to work here among the heroes of the great war he had been to cowardly to fight.

Harry covered his ears with his hands shaking his head violently to block out his thoughts. He did not want to hear them anymore. He did not want to remember, did not want to know.

Of course it didn't help. One can't keep oneself from thinking by covering ones ears. The only thing that could help him silence his thoughts was work. He had to do something, anything.

Looking around the room his eyes fell on the toolbox. He'd never finished sorting the tools. Harry grabbed for the box like a drowning man. It would keep him busy until dinner.

But after dinner the thoughts came back and this time there was nothing to do. Memories of Sirius mixed with the memories of what he'd done and memories of his time in Azkaban. There weren't any Dementors in Azkaban anymore. They'd gone over to Voldemort just like Harry had. Harry wondered what had become of them for a moment. Most likely they'd all been hunted down and destroyed. The survivors of the war wouldn't have had much pity left for them after they'd watched so many of their friends and loved ones die. Maybe there were still a few Dementors left hiding somewhere, but Harry had not had to suffer from their presence in Azkaban.

It hadn't made much of a difference. The prison island was a horrible place even without them and it didn't inspire good thoughts. Harry had almost felt like they were still there. Only the feeling hadn't gone away. Sometimes it got a little better, sometimes it got worse. Right now it was really bad.

Harry tried to tell himself that it would get better again like it always did, but that wasn't much of a consolation. He still felt like dieing. If he were dead it would all be over. If he were dead he would finally feel nothing anymore. He wouldn't have to remember. ... Or would he? What if there really was life after death? What if there really was a God and a Devil? A heaven and hell?

Harry didn't feel like going to hell soon. And he didn't consider going to heaven for even an instant. Death eaters don't go to heaven. Being in hell might be even worse than being in Azkaban ... with Dementors.

Harry threw himself onto his bed, curled up into a very tight ball and cried.

Flop!

Something had landed on the bed beside him, something small. He had felt it. Something very small and fast was moving around on his bed.

Harry didn't care. He just continued to cry. The something would go away again.

One small paw touched his cheek, then another, soft fur ...

"T ... Twichy?" Harry sobbed out.

A tiny tongue started licking away the tears on his cheek. Harry grabbed the ferret with both hands and pulled him against his chest cuddling him.

Twichy didn't protest. He pushed his little twitchy nose against Harry's hand, then proceeded to lick his fingers in comfort.

"Oh Twichy, I don't know what to do. Everybody here hates me."

Twichy stopped licking and looked up at Harry. He seemed surprised at what Harry had said. No, of course the ferret couldn't be reacting to what Harry had said. He couldn't even understand him after all. Still it felt good to talk to him.

"They have every right to hate me of course. I'm a very evil man, Twichy. Little ferrets should probably stay very far away from me. I'm a death eater, you know."

Twichy looked up at him and shook his head. Well at least it looked like he was shaking his head. Most likely he was looking for a way out, because Harry was squeezing him too tightly. Harry opened his hand, but the ferret remained just where he was still looking at Harry.

"Remus tells me I'm not, but this here says I am." Harry explained to the ferret baring his arm and showing him the dark mark.

Twichy jumped closer and inspected the mark with his little twitchy nose. That tickled. Harry smiled. Twichy looked over at Harry for a moment, saw that smile and seemed to take that as encouragement. He turned his attention back to the dark mark and started licking it with a tiny red tongue that tickled even worse than his beard.

Harry pulled his arm back and quickly covered it up again.

"Don't!" he told the ferret. "Never touch that! It's evil. You're going to poison yourself ... It can't be licked off, you know. It's a magical tattoo." he continued a little more gently. "It'll never go away. And it says I'm a death eater."

Harry picked up the ferret again cuddling him more gently this time.

"Remus says I'm not." he repeated. "Remus says to talk to Sirius and tell him I'm sorry for what I did. Remus says he'll forgive me. But he isn't even looking at me at all and I don't dare go to him all alone."

Twichy suddenly slipped out of his hand with what seemed to be one single graceful movement, jumped onto his shoulder and gave a soft little squeak right into his ear.

"You think I should go too?" Harry asked him wondering about the way the ferret sometimes seemed to understand him. "You'd stay with me?"

The ferret nodded.

"Well, I'd really like to talk to him again. He's the only family I've got." Harry thought for a moment. "Alright, I'll do it."

He got up hoping that Twichy wouldn't hop off his shoulder the moment he'd walk out into the hallway. But Twichy stayed. He rode Harry's shoulder until they reached the door to Sirius' office.

There Harry paused getting nervous once again. Twichy tickled his ear once more then climbed off his shoulder and slipped into his shirt pocket. Harry had to smile despite his fears. The ferret almost seemed to be giving him and Sirius some privacy while still being around to mentally support Harry.

Harry took another deep breath and knocked. Maybe Sirius wasn't there. Then they could go back to his office and forget this whole foolish undertaking. He could invite Twichy to another game of catch like they had played when they'd first met. He would not think about his godfather anymore, the closest thing he had to a father.

Harry was just about to turn around and leave when the door opened and Sirius stood there before him.

Harry swallowed hard. Oh, no! He was there. Now he'd have to talk to him.

"Hello Sirius." he said softly.

"Hello Harry." Sirius responded flatly obviously just as unsure of how to talk to Harry as Harry felt about how to talk to him.

Harry swallowed again.

"Can I come in for a moment?"

Sirius seemed to think it over struggling with himself before he answered with a curt nod and stepped aside to let Harry pass. Sirius closed the door behind him and suddenly Harry felt trapped. He had to fight down the impulse to race back to the door and try if he could still get out.

Sirius turned to him where he stood looked him up and down and said nothing for a while. He did not offer him a seat. He just stood and stared. Harry stared at the floor and suddenly wondered what had become of Professor Binns. The former history of magic teacher had already been a ghost so he couldn't have died. Why did Sirius have his job now?

"So what was it you wanted to talk to me about." Sirius finally asked after an eternity of staring. Or had it been less than a minute?

"I ... I just wanted to...to ... Sirius, I know that you must be very disappointed and ashamed of me and I'm sorry. I...I wish I'd never ... never done that. But it's too late now. I can't take it back. I just ... just want ... you to know that ... that I'm terribly sorry and if I could take it back I would."

"How could you Harry? I just can't understand how you could do that. He was the murderer of your parents. They died to save you from him, died fighting him. Doesn't that mean anything to you? How could you serve the man who murdered Lily and James? I never could have and I'm not their son. He orphaned you Harry. Everything was his fault. Everything the Dursleys ever did to you, every time those muggles made you feel like a freak, every time death eaters attacked you and your friends, all the people who died in the war, the people who risked their lives to protect you. Does all that mean nothing to you?"

"I'm sorry Sirius. I'm sorry, so sorry." sobbed Harry.

"Sorry? Do you think that makes it right? Sorry can't change a thing. It wont make anything undone."

"Please Sirius! There's nothing I can do. I would if there was, but all I can do is ask you to forgive me. Please give me a second chance. We have to get along if we're both going to work here."

"I'm trying to. But I can never forgive how you betrayed Lily and James with what you did. They were my best friends and you just threw their sacrifice away like that. You were like a son to me Harry. I thought you were like them, but you betrayed us all like Peter. I can never forgive you, Harry, but I promise to be civil. I will give you your second chance, but I will never again be able to love you the way I did. ... I'm sorry, Harry. That's all I can offer. Take it or leave it."

Harry nodded. He couldn't speak. 'You're like Peter.' It was true. He was no better than Wormtail. A traitor and coward. He did not deserve the kindness Sirius was offering him.

"Thank you Sirius." he managed to croak. "I guess that's all I can ask for."

Sirius nodded and opened the door for him. Harry slowly walked out feeling alone and lost. The door closed behind him. The sound had something final to it, something symbolic. There was no going back now. He was all alone.

Something tickled his chest. Twichy was climbing out of his pocket. Harry took him into his hands gently and looked down at him. The ferret looked almost as miserable as Harry felt. He was dragging his furry little tail and his beard was hanging down. Even his ears seemed to be hanging miserably. Harry cuddled him a little.

"It's okay, Twichy. It's not your fault. You tried to help, but you're just a little ferret. What could you expect to achieve? I did all that to myself I made a decision and now I have to pay the price for it. It's only fair."

 

In the next chapter: Harry has to deal with Sirius' rejection, Twichy gets a bad scare and Harry discovers a friend he never thought he had.


	12. Draco

Chapter 12: Draco

 

Harry returned to his office trying hard not to think of his parents and what they were probably thinking about him right now. Twichy once again riding on his shoulder tried to get his attention by tickling his cheek and ear, but Harry ignored him. He wasn't in the mood to play. Actually he wasn't in the mood to do anything. Maybe he was just gonna lie back down on his bed and cry.

But what would that change? He was still a traitor. He had still betrayed all the dreams his parents had had for him. His parents who had died for him. Had died so he had a chance to live up to those dreams. Dreams he had betrayed.

Harry closed his office door behind him and threw himself onto his bed. Twichy seemed nervous almost worried, but Harry didn't feel up to calming the ferret. He only wanted to stop thinking, but the thoughts grew stronger and stronger with every breath he took.

'I betrayed my parents, I betrayed my parents.' Harry covered his ears to block out the sound, but of course it didn't work. He shook his head in denial, but still knew that it was true. Twichy was trying to get to his hands probably intending to lick his fingers again, but the sudden motion threw him off and he landed on the bed with a soft squeak of surprise or dismay.

Somewhere in the back of his mind a calm barely audible voice warned Harry that he was in danger of hurting the ferret if he kept moving so suddenly without giving him any advance warning. Harry ignored it. He had to stop his thoughts, had to stop those memories. But he couldn't stop them. They'd never leave him until he was dead.

Dead. Harry sat up, pushed back his sleeves and stared at the two thin white scars on his wrists. It had been so easy. If only that muggle hadn't found him. Why did he have to call an ambulance? Why couldn't he just have ignored Harry? If he had then Harry wouldn't be tortured by these thoughts right now.

Harry jumped up and ran into the bathroom. He picked up a razor blade and regarded it with detached interest for a while. It had been so easy to cut his own skin with one of those. He'd never expected it to be so simple.

Still holding the razor in his right hand he lifted his left turning it so he could see the scar once again. Was it possible to draw that razor so exactly over the scar that it never left that line? He ought to try.

Harry lowered his right hand slowly trying to put it down in the exact same spot he had started to cut his wrist about two months ago.

A sudden squeak behind him startled him. He hesitated. Something white dashed past him grabbed that razor and pulled with all its strength.

"Twichy?" Harry was so surprised that he let go and the ferret dashed back into his room with the razor in his mouth.

"No Twichy!" Harry jelled alarmed racing after the ferret. "Come back! That's dangerous! Drop it! You'll cut yourself! Please Twichy, razors are very dangerous!"

"Exactly my opinion." responded Draco Malfoy.

Harry stared at him. Draco was sitting on Harry's bed playing lazily with the razor in his hand. Twichy was nowhere to be seen. Maybe he had sought cover in one of Draco's pockets? He had obviously handed over the razor to him without much struggle.

Harry suddenly remembered how Twichy had disappeared in the direction of the dungeons when they'd first met. He had then concluded that the ferret belonged to a Slytherin and that still seemed plausible to him. Draco, he'd noticed, spent a lot of time with Severus Snape and probably could be found in the dungeons quite often. It was only logical that Twichy would know him well and when he'd come out of the bathroom seeking cover and had seen Malfoy in his room ...

Wait a minute! What was Draco Malfoy doing in Harry's room? The door had been locked and he hadn't heard anyone enter. He could have used an Alohomora spell of course, but why would he do that and then sneak in unheard only to sit on the bed and wait for Harry to notice him?

"How did you get in here?"

"You brought me in through the door." Draco said as if Harry was supposed to know that.

"I did what?"

"The ferret, remember?" grinned Draco obviously enjoying his confusion.

"Twichy?" Harry looked around for the ferret once more. "Where'd he go?"

"He's right here, Harry. I am Twichy. He's my animagus." Draco appeared to be fighting down laughter.

Harry stared at him trying to understand what he'd just heard'. Twichy was what? Or better, was who? He remembered how the ferret sometimes seemed almost human. That made sense actually.

No wait, it didn't. Why would Draco Malfoy the war hero want to play catch with Harry Potter traitor and coward? Harry felt totally confused.

"Rememer: me - ferret - Moody?" Draco asked now really laughing. "The animal comes kind of natural to me."

Harry found himself smiling. Draco's laughter was contagious when he wasn't smirking and sneering at people.

"Why're you called Twichy?" he asked before he could stop himself. That wasn't what he wanted to know. He had other more important questions for Draco.

"Well, originally it's not Twichy, it's Twitchy. You might have noticed what a twitchy little fellow a ferret is." Draco explained. "But after the war, when I first learned how to transfigure myself I was working at a wizarding primary school down in Hogsmede and you know what six year olds are like. They had problems with the t sound as most of them had just lost or were about to lose their front teeth and so they kept saying Twichy."

"You? Primary school? Six year olds?" Harry shook his head in confusion. Those were even more questions he hadn't wanted to ask.

"Well, after I killed my father in the war my mother wanted nothing to do with me anymore and she inherited all the money, so I sort of needed a job. Everything was in total chaos and the children were running wild and getting in everyone's way during the rebuilding so they decided they needed to restart school. Kids kind of like me and there weren't enough teachers so they asked me to do it."

"You killed your own father?" Harry asked beginning to understand why people named Draco among the biggest heroes of the war.

Draco seemed very uncomfortable. He stared down at the floor, swallowed hard several times then looked back up at Harry.

"I had to do it. I didn't want to, but he left me no choice. It wasn't easy. He was the leader of the group that attacked the outer walls with the fireball spells. We knew that they were meant to be only a distraction and had our most powerful fighters hidden inside to await Voldemort's arrival, but that meant that the walls weren't as well protected as the death eaters had expected them to be. Father was keeping them well organised and they were about to break through. If they'd gotten into the castle all would have been lost. At first I was just going to lure him away from his troops. I thought I could talk to him, but he'd have killed me. In the end I had to kill him in self defence. I had no choice. Still Mother won't forgive me. We haven't even talked since."

"I'm sorry." Harry said softly. Draco looked so unhappy and suddenly he realised that life wasn't easy even for the heroes of the great war. Even those who had fought bravely and were admired by everyone wore the scars of that time.

"It's not your fault. I'm okay with it, really. I just get a little sad every time I think of it. It was a bad time, you know. You're lucky that you weren't there. It was horrible. You wouldn't have gotten over it. You with your soft heart. It was hard enough for me and you know what a cold bastard I am."

"Yeah, sure." grinned Harry.

"What? You don't believe me?" Draco asked him grinning back.

"No. If you're so bad, why didn't you join the death eaters?" Harry challenged him.

"Simply because I knew Severus was against them and I didn't want to get on his bad side. I still don't. I never had any real friends before Severus, you know. I wasn't going to risk the only friend I had for my father and a club of murderers. I'd rather die with my friends than live with my enemies."

"And I chose the opposite." Harry said staring at the floor again. Draco had proven to be the better man in the end.

"You didn't know Voldemort's little club the way I did. And you never knew what it was like to be friendless. You made a wrong choice, because you didn't have the necessary warning and you changed your mind once you realised the truth. You came back and were on the right side in the end. That's all that matters."

"Some people I helped torture and kill would disagree with you there."

"Probably. But you paid for that. Learn from your mistakes and move on. Its the only thing you can do. Talk to Severus. He knows. He's been there."

"I'm not Snape. He really didn't know any better and he really did make up for all his mistakes. I knew Voldemort. He killed my parents. How could I go and betray them like that? They died to save me from him. Died so I could fight him."

"They died so you would survive. They only wanted you to live. And that's what you chose. Survival. They never wanted you to be a great hero and defeat Voldemort again and again. They just wanted you to stay alive. And if staying alive meant to join Voldemort and I believe at that moment it did, that's what they wanted you to do."

"You really think so?" Harry asked surprised. He'd never thought of it this way.

"That's what normal parents do want the most. It's natural instinct. My parents would have felt different about it, but they wouldn't have died to defend me in the first place."

Harry smiled a little. Natural instinct? Wanting him to survive? He'd have to think about that. But not now. Right now he ought to ask Draco some of the questions that he really needed answered.

"Why did you come to see me when I arrived? I bet you had better things to do."

"I wanted to see you. Believe it or not, but now that we're on the same side I actually like you. I wanted to know if you were okay."

"And why did you come to me as a ferret? We could have talked better if you'd been yourself"

"Really? Do you think, you'd have wanted to talk to me? I thought a cute furry little ferret had a lot better chances to receive a warm welcome than a sarcastic old school rival. Twichy's a lot faster when people try to hit us. And I could cheer you up better that way."

"Okay, but why did you come back again? Why did you go to Sirius with me?"

"I'm sorry about Sirius. I thought Remus was right when he said he'd forgive you. You looked so miserable during dinner that I thought I ought to do something for you. I've never seen Sirius like this. He's normally a really nice guy. And he likes ferrets. ... I thought he'd help you. I'm really sorry about the way this turned out. I thought I was helping you when I encouraged you to go. I guess I should have talked to him first. Tested the water a little."

"It's not your fault how Sirius reacted. It was nice of you to come along. Everything else was up to me and Sirius. You couldn't influence it at all."

"I could have tried to keep you two apart. I've got experience."

"Experience?" Harry looked at Draco doubtfully.

"Oh sure. The Ravenclaws aren't always as peaceful as people believe. Cho was a Ravenclaw, remember."

"Cho? What about Cho?"

"Well, I heard about that little fight you had. She can be very mean and some of the other Ravenclaws can as well. I had to learn to keep them apart. I could have done the same with you and Sirius."

"We're not your students, Draco. And we have to get along to work together. Just avoiding Sirius wouldn't have worked. I had to talk to him and I'm glad you came along. I'm just sorry about this." Harry said pointing at the razor in Draco's hand.

Draco looked down at the razor for a while regarding it intently.

"You gave me a bad fright with that. Please, talk to Severus, Harry. He likes you and he wont blame you for anything. He's been through all this. He knows how to deal with it. As I said friends mean a lot to me. I don't want to lose you."

"It wont happen again, Draco. I promise." Harry smiled and held out his hand to Draco who cast one last look at the razor then placed it gently in Harry's hand.

"Thanks. Say, what do you teach anyway? I know that DADA's already taken."

"Runes." Draco smiled at Harry's incredulous stare. "I'd have preferred potions or as you said DADA, but don't tell anyone. It's unofficial. As I said, Severus is the first and still best friend I ever had. I'm not going to apply for his job or the one he wants. I know I'll get potions, if he ever gets DADA. If not, I'm happy with my current subject. I always liked runes."

"Draco, I think I never really knew you. I never would have guessed." Harry found to his surprise that he liked talking to Draco.

Maybe he wasn't all alone after all. He had Draco, Remus, Neville, the Weasleys ... Actually that was quite a lot of people who still seemed to like him.

 

In the next chapter: Well there's only one war hero left for Harry to meet. How will Severus react to Harry? and Will Harry finally accept that he still has friends in the wizarding world?


	13. Severus

Chapter 13: Severus

 

Harry thought about Draco's words a lot after that talk. Talk to Severus? He'd been avoiding Severus Snape on purpose so far, but he would have to talk to him sometime. Snape for some reason was one of the people he felt most guilty of betraying. Snape had risked his life to make up for having been a death eater once. How could he expect Harry to do anything less?

But then again Draco had insisted that he ought to talk to Snape. He'd been convinced that Snape could help him. That he wanted to help him. And he did know Snape well, maybe even better than Dumbledore did. And Dumbledore too had told him to talk to Snape about his problems. Both Snape's best friends agreed that he'd help Harry. They had to know.

But Lupin had said the same thing about Sirius. Remus was Sirius' best friend as well and he had been totally wrong. What if Dumbledore and Draco were wrong about Snape's reaction? Could he take another disappointment? Would he be as disappointed as he had been when he'd tried to make peace with Sirius?

Harry admired and respected Snape, but they had never been close. Harry had always reminded Snape of James too much and Snape had always scared Harry. Not that Harry had run away whenever he'd seen the potions master, but he'd always treaded carefully around him. Nobody wanted to incur Snape's wrath and he'd hated Harry anyway.

Still Snape had stood up for Harry on several occasions, had saved his life from Voldemort's attacks. Harry shuddered at the thought. Once he had been one of the few people who had dared to say the dark lord's name out loud. Now that Voldemort was finally defeated and everybody was saying his name without difficulty Harry trembled at the very thought of it. He couldn't say it anymore. He'd been unable to ever since they'd taken him to Azkaban.

He wondered if anybody had noticed. They'd all talked about Voldemort and his death eaters and the war a lot, but he'd been very quiet during most of those conversations. Maybe they hadn't. Maybe they hadn't even paid him enough attention to notice the way he spoke of Voldemort. Why would they care about that anyway? Harry Potter was nobody and Voldemort was long gone and dead, a threat to noone. Why should anybody care if Harry Potter couldn't say Voldemort's name?

Harry woke up very early the next morning. He'd been dreaming about being a death eater and going to Azkaban again. These dreams had followed him wherever he'd gone for the last five years. It was nothing new. But he felt like they'd gotten worse and more frequent since his return to Hogwarts. He seemed to remember more and more details every night. He could even recall some totally inconsequential conversations he'd had with some of the minor death eaters. He wondered what had happened to them. Which ones had died in the battle like Lucius Malfoy? Which ones had gone to Azkaban like Percy Weasley? Was it really safe to assume that those would never be back? And could it be that some had escaped entirely? How would he react if he met one of them in the street some day?

For a while Harry tried to get back to sleep. Maybe he wouldn't dream anymore tonight. But it didn't work. He was too afraid of what he might see if he did dream again.

Harry finally decided to get up and look around for Dobby. He knew that the house elves were already up at this time relighting the fires and bringing in fresh milk and bread. Maybe they could continue work on the schedules and elf files until breakfast. Or maybe they could get started sorting furniture. Anything to take his mind off the past.

He dressed quickly and started his search in the kitchens where a very old house elf he thought was called Flobsy told him that Dobby was not here and that he wasn't supposed to work this early. She insisted that he went back to bed and slept some more.

Harry sighed and left the kitchens, but he wasn't going to return to his room and try to sleep again. He decided to keep looking for Dobby instead. If he wasn't in the kitchen, he had to be elsewhere. The trick was finding out where, Harry decided. He tried the great hall first assuming that they might already be laying out the dishes, but found it still empty.

Wondering where else he might find Dobby at this time of day he left the great hall again and almost collided with none other than Severus Snape who seemed to have just come in from a very early morning stroll and was headed back towards the dungeons.

"Good morning, Harry!" Snape greeted him in an actually friendly tone. "You're up early today."

"I couldn't sleep." Harry answered trying hard to remember when he'd last seen Snape being friendly.

"Well, if you have nothing better to do, I could make us some tea in my office." Snape offered. "I've been meaning to talk to you anyway."

Harry looked at Snape incredulously. Another teacher inviting him for tea? And Severus Snape of all people? Somehow Snape had never struck Harry as the kind of person who'd want to discuss things over a friendly cup of tea.

"Thank you, Professor Snape, but I was actually looking for Dobby. We've got some unfinished work I'd really like to get done."

"First, don't call me Professor. You're not a student anymore. My name's Severus. And second, I just saw Dobby leave with the group of elves that went down to Hogsmede to do the shopping. They'll be gone for a while and once they return all the elves will be really busy with preparing breakfast. I doubt you'll be able to get a hold of your friend before nine.

"But that's when he's supposed to report to my office anyway." complained Harry.

"So what about tea in the meantime?" Snape insisted.

Harry hesitated. Snape was the last person he wanted to talk to right now, but, like he'd told Draco about Sirius, he would have to talk with him sometime. He might as well get it over with right now.

"Okay, but why is everybody around here always offering me tea?"

"I think I could find some coffee somewhere as well, if you'd rather have that."

"No thanks. I was just wondering, because it seems people either kick me out or offer me tea. Are you sure nobody told all off you to do so?"

"Well, it does make it easier to talk. From what I've heard you've been keeping to yourself a lot and people are a little worried about that. The tea is just a trick to make you stay for a while. We are your friends Harry. It's not good for you to be alone all the time. We're just trying to help."

"Look, I don't know what Draco told you about yesterday, but I'm okay really. You don't have to treat me like ... I don't know ... like I'm totally psycho or something. I'm fine. I know you're all disappointed in me. That's okay. You've got every right to be and I'm not gonna die of shock just because you tell me so."

They had reached Snape's office. Snape opened the door and waved Harry in. There was nothing that had obviously changed inside, but somehow the room suddenly felt much more comfortable and inviting. Was it because Harry was no longer a student and Snape his least favourite teacher? Was it because nothing was all that bad compared to his memories of Azkaban? Or was there some subtle change that Harry just couldn't put his finger on? Harry couldn't tell.

"Draco?" Snape said as he started to make the tea. "Draco didn't tell me anything. I didn't even know that you two talked. He'd like to make friends with you, you know, but I thought he was too afraid that you'd reject him."

Harry said nothing.

"So what did happen yesterday? Want to talk about it?"

Harry took the cup of tea Snape offered him and stared into it.

"No, I think I'd rather not talk about that. It was nothing anyway." He wondered if Snape would believe that. It was a much too obvious a lie in his opinion and Snape had always been quick to pick up on those. As a spy he'd probably had to be. His life had depended on it.

"Alright, lets talk about me being disappointed in you then. I am not."

"You ought to be. You have every right to be. I joined the enemy you risked your life to fight. How could you not be disappointed? You have to hate me."

"I have the right to be disappointed? I? How could I not be disappointed?" Snape repeated incredulously. "How could I be? What right would I have to blame you for making the same mistakes I did? I could never blame anyone who ever left the dark lord's service voluntarily. You and I are in many ways just the same Harry. To hate you would mean to hate myself."

"The same? You made up for your mistakes. You fought and defeated ... Him. I, I just ran away like the coward I am. Wonder why I ever got into Gryffindor."

"You are not a coward, Harry. And the Gryffindors were never as perfect as people used to think. They fought bravely in the war, yes, but you are not the only one who made mistakes. No house is above the others, Harry and if the sorting hat put you into Gryffindor, that is where you belong. ... I would have run too once. I was trying to run when I turned to Albus. I showed him the dark mark on my arm and expected him to kill me. I thought death was the only way to free myself of my guilt. He didn't kill me, though and I would have run and hidden the way you did if Albus hadn't forced me to become his spy. He is the one who truly defeated Voldemort. I was just one of his many tools. I'm proud of that, yes, but it wasn't my doing. Albus helped me through it all and he will do the same for you."

"I wouldn't have had your courage." Harry said shaking his head. "Not even with Dumbledore's help. And I can't go and prove myself the way you did. I can not make up for what I've done. I can not make the people forgive me."

"Ah, but that is the trick, Harry. You don't have to make them forgive you. Some already have, some will in time and some always did dislike you and you never had a chance to make them your friends in the first place. But this isn't about any of them, Harry. It's all about you. All in your head. You don't have to make others forgive you. You have to forgive yourself. That is much more difficult, but it can be done, Harry. You have to learn to forgive yourself. I know it's hard. It took me years only to understand what that means even though Albus must have told me a thousand times. It isn't the others that put you through all the pain, Harry. It is you."

"Forgive myself when everybody hates me for what I've done?" Harry nearly shouted.

"It is you who hates you, not the others. Maybe there are a few that do hate you, but they always will. You have to move on and accept it. Accept your past as what it is. The past. What counts is here and now. You have to make a new start. We are your friends. Don't push us away, because you think that you don't deserve us. We think you do. Accept that there are people who still like you. I know it's not easy, but please try."

"How could I forget what I did when I've still got that tattoo to always remind me of what I am?"

"What you were, Harry. What you were. It's in the past. I never said you should forget it. But you have to leave it in the past where it belongs and move on." Snape put his arm on the table and showed Harry his own dark mark.

Harry stared. He hadn't even noticed that Snape hadn't even covered it this day. He wore it openly for everyone to see.

"This is a symbol of my past, Harry. Just a picture. It can't hurt me. And I'm not afraid to let it show. Not anymore. As long as I was trying to hide it all the time, it held power over me, but not anymore. People know what I was. I don't mind if they do, because it says nothing about who I am and they know it. Let the past be the past, Harry. Forgive yourself and move on. Then the dark mark will mean nothing anymore."

Harry slowly rolled up his sleeve to look at his own tattoo. Of course people knew that he had one, but to just let them see it, the way Snape did? How would they react to that?

"It can't do anything to you or anyone, Harry. It's just a picture." Snape said holding his own arm beside Harry's.

Harry stared at the two tattoos. They looked exactly the same. Still he felt like they were different. Snape's dark mark seemed meaningless after all the things he had done. His own looked powerful and evil to him. Was that all in his head? Could he just stop thinking of it as powerful and it would be as meaningless as Snape's? He moved to cover it up again, but Snape stopped him.

"No, leave it like this. You have to show it that you are not afraid of it anymore."

Harry slowly nodded and stood up. Alright, he would give this a try.

All during breakfast he thought he could feel people staring at his arm, but nobody did comment on it. Harry, though still very nervous, was beginning to feel more hopeful about it. Charlie and Fred were chatting with Neville as always and Harry for the first time tried to get into the conversation. He felt a little awkward having to ask who the people they were talking about were all the time, but nobody seemed to get impatient about answering his questions.

Once when he looked up he noticed Ginny smiling at him and Draco came over to say hi before he left the great hall. Harry wondered if they'd noticed that he'd come in with Snape this morning and if they connected that with his wearing the dark mark openly.

'Forgive yourself and move on.' Snape had said. Harry wasn't sure if he could, but he was at least going to try.

 

 

 

The End


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